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2008-12-31T23:33:00.000-08:00

http://memaryln.blogspot.com

CHANGE

2008-12-30T04:20:00.000-08:00

TO ALL DEAR READERS, FRIENDS, 过客, 知己，Patricia's stalkers...

I will never be able to organize my thoughts the way I truly want it.
I will never be able to show who I really am.
I will never be able to express myself 100%.
I went around to blogs of people whom I once know. I guess I no longer know them anymore, looked at the familiar faces, I knew them.

OK! I SHALL ANNOUNCE AND REVEAL! SO STUPID TO THINK SO LONG! COS I KNEW I WILL CHANGE in A WAY! LOL!

I don't know why I decide to keep.

POSTED TO MAKE ZHENx2 JEALOUS

2008-12-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

Photos for XMAS and 'romantic' VIVO night with msX

2008-12-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

Where were at my place celebrating Xmas on the eve.
Taking pictures with my son and pager because my daughter is with celine in korean most probably eating kimchi and sneezing because I'm blogging about her.

Them wearing the SUPER EX presents. LOL! I agree I did feel a BIG HOLE and burnt in my pocket but I'm happy seeing them wearing it. HEHE

VIVO!!!!

幸福的形状

This isn't chicken dance. I was trying to jump but...

Our footsteps...

SUPER DOG-ing

MRT-ing

Webcamming yesterday... BORED XMAS NIGHT because the EVE was the party.

太烦恼

2008-12-25T01:11:00.001-08:00

I’m feeling Chinese now.
我现在好困惑哦，其实真的不关我的事的。
我不是故意的，可是说都说了。
真的不喜欢自己那么大嘴巴，我害你不开心了吧。
Sorry真的，我不喜欢不喜欢不喜欢。
Why? Why? Why? 明明不关我的事，可是我却因此而烦恼。
我好希望老公那时候在，如果她在我也许不会那么心虚。
对我来说，那其实没有那么严重，我现在知道重要了。
我真的很后悔，我问了那个问题，如果可以，我收回我的问题，真的。
回不去了。不可能
烦恼，太冲动并不好

昨天的圣诞很温馨，我很喜欢，就是简简单单的在我家跟lili&zhenzhen玩玩还有说说话。
我也很喜欢他们送的礼物，好难得丽丽会那么用心！礼物我很不想po照片，最近我都觉得没有必要po照片，你们会想要看照片吗？我其实觉得说。。。我也不知道。烦， blog的原因让我烦，什么都烦。
我送了他们2个fox jacket还有我自己比较满意的卡片，因为我真的觉得很有心意。
喜欢就是这样简简单单的滋味，不要华丽的衣服，豪华的地点，奢侈的食物。
我要的其实真的没有什么。2008年的年底，让我很感叹，很多情绪波涛汹涌的从我的内心中勇出来。
我突然好想哭，昨天看真真哭得那么噼里啪啦的，我却很无动于衷，现在，因为这样那样的问题我烦。
我会怕你不喜欢我，我会怕我被歧视，我会怕未来，我会怕。。。
算了，反正我什么都不能大声地说出来！算了~

风飘飘飘飘飘飘飘

2008-12-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

Yes. I have not been blogging for sometime because I got lost in a way. I didn’t understand why I blogged anymore. I don’t find any meaning in blogging. I think my agenda of blogging got twisted in a way. I started to put counters. I talk to people in my blog. I give hidden meanings directed at people. Initially, it was just to keep track of my thoughts. However, I think it is no longer this way now. I give a damn about people reading this blog, although it’s not a lot of you. But I’m very bothered by your perspectives and I admit that I’m bothered to myself.

I wanted to blog for a few things. But thoughts just go away if you fail you record them. They flew away. I went out with Ms X yesterday. Then, when I got home, I read Ms Yeo’s mail. She got me thinking. The day before was an emotional and thoughts day. I was on the verge of crying when I talked to Ms X about some stuffs.

Yes, my perspectives changed a lot this year. I can use 8 characters to describe that: 满心期待to心灰意冷。I really feel 心灰意冷now. I have to say, I still believe in people who will stay with you for your current life with emotional attach. But I will use 心灰意冷because the chances of this happening are most probably 1 out of 100 friends you have. I think the realistic part is that neither Ms X nor I believed that we will be friends who stay for long. I mean yes, we will be friends our life, but no longer with that emotional attachment. She will walk out of my life like you people becoming a 过客.

Just a quote from Ms Yeo’s email:
This might sound kinda cruel but, somewhat I learnt to depend on myself when I have to. No one is ALWAYS going to be there for you and somehow I think that there are times I don’t wanna burden other ppl. Sometimes you really have no one so you have to be strong, life is hard…..so we sort of have to get over it… like we said that other ppl change, we’re probably changing too. I even get freak out by my own changes too. Sometimes I wished I was the old me, but yah…I never will be.

I’m truly glad that all my friends with emotional attachment are realistic people. We know. We understand. We feel. We aren’t soul-less bodies. Ms Yeo grew up a lot, she was leading a princess life back here. She became a Cinderella there. We will never be like before and I will never be. Change is a constant. Nevertheless, I have to admit I was surprised that Ms Yeo have not become my 过客yet.

She asked me if she was the one with the chair stuck on her butt. I like her confidence and faith with me and herself. This little chair issue made Zhen cry, I guess if you aren’t part of the chair thing, you won’t feel for it because none of her friends she consulted felt that it was cry-able. But she went噼里啪啦. I asked Ms Yeo a question. Do you think people can share little chairs? I don’t think so. Every chair should be specifically catered to one person. And if you don’t have, I won’t lie because you just don’t.

A last question to everyone, you may not have to answer me.
Can we control the changes? I don’t like unexpected changes. Even if they are positive ones.

List of restaurants I killed with Ms X this year:
Changing Appetites! (2)
Sakae(1)
Surf n Turf(1)
New York New York(1)
Swensens(4)
Just Noodles(1)
Ichiban(1)
CityLink/Bugis Jap Restaurant(2)
Fish & Co(1)
Billy Bombers(1 and never)
Secret Recipe(2)
TouFu(3)
奶油排骨(1)

Fast food List:
Macdonalds
KFC
PizzaHut
Yoshinoya
Pasta Mania
Burger King
Long John
Subway
Mos Burger

我会说byebye

2008-12-19T03:40:00.000-08:00

I went out with Patricia yesterday. Nothing heavy, it was a simple day and I enjoyed it. I listened to her Genting story and we had food and we went esplanade roottop. Nothing much yesterday, I gave my brain a rest. I don’t feel like posting pictures, I just don’t feel like.

You knew I will blog right.

Yes, I wonder how many times I’ve started my blog this way but according to Liangpopo, I did that a hundred times. I chatted with Liangpopo today. I called her to see how we’re going to do the present for Ms Hazel. We chatted. We always start our chat from nowhere, chat for the sake of chatting but topics will just flow the way. I wonder how it will it be like to chat with you for the sake of chatting. I won’t be awkward with liangpopo because we always do that. She told me things that she never said.

Nobody is supportive of my smart. Not Celine. Not Patricia. Not Liangpopo too. She says it’s okay but I overdo it. Perhaps, I should really heed her advice. 2009 should be a less smart year. It really daunted on me because Ms.L said that. She said both of us changed to become very different. I knew we were not the same; we were very different, in terms of thoughts and all. Yet we are friends. True ones. I was just thinking and thinking. I changed. I was one of those active people, those ra-ra ones, I’m sociable and all. She said that I’m more of introvert now. I see her becoming an extrovert and becoming more introvert. I changed, I truly did. She said smart was the reason. ‘

I told her about the newly born XMAN. MsX calls him x2man. I realized I said MsX name a lot of times in our chat.

我们聊了假设性的问题等等等
我们也聊到了过客
现在的你们都早已成为过客了
你，你，你也会是我的过客
或许吧，我从来没有敞开心房吗？
因为小椅子的位置有限
所以我很排斥让人有取代的机会
过客。我会成为你的过客吗？
不安与恐慌或许是瞬间的
就像我的喜欢一样，是瞬间的
那瞬间一过，剩下的不堪回首。
过客不过客是在于人的努力吧
可是如果努力去维持一段关系
那是很痛苦的，那何不让往事随风，
让遗憾的美丽停在那里呢？
我很珍惜我们现在所有的
因为我不知道它会不会像摩天轮一样
转一圈就完了。摩天轮会一直的转，
但是有谁会一直在你每一圈都出现？
又会有谁会加入你，又有谁会离开你？
离开的我可以假装坚强的说byebye
但是进来的，我会说hello吗？

Mikey's Present

2008-12-19T03:18:00.001-08:00

Our present.

LA! !

2008-12-17T21:15:00.000-08:00

I went running today because I was soooo disgusted by my fats yesterday. Celine says she’ll give me 50 bucks if I become 65 by CNY. Yes, I’m more than 65. I can’t think when I run. But as I walk, thoughts were able to process better. I thought through a lot. I guess some were redundant. I want to throw redundant thoughts away. I wasn’t able to sleep well last night because I was troubled. I don’t know who to trust anymore. I can’t stand my own inconsistency in my behaviour.

Jyings asked me out. But I refused to say ‘yes I’m going.’ I don’t want to say. I don’t want to lie to her. The fact was that I seriously don’t feel like going, at that time, but I can’t throw it right at her face. I don’t like parties, I don’t like big groups, and I don’t like to know new friends! I don’t know how to make friends and I don’t know how to be a friend. I don’t blend. But when I figure that it’s only a 6 person, I told her I’ll see. A group of 6 with people you know feels more comfortable to me.

I don’t know! I feel so troubled because I’m not the same. I don’t want to be a chameleon but I feel like one! I feel so childish to be troubled over childish issues. But I am and I don’t want to deny to myself. I feel redundant sometimes. Am I? Will I? I feel childish hugging on to strawberries like now. And I realize that I’m actually comfortable with showing my thoughts because I am conscious that by blogging you will read it.

I feel so pissed with everything. But I don’t know what’s wrong! Pissed with myself! I was out the whole day yesterday. I’m quite busy these days. When I got home I started to use the com. Going online was almost the only thing I do at home. I don’t watch TV anymore. I finally feels how is it like when you just go online and you have 10 msn windows suddenly popping out of nowhere. I felt it.
妮，老公，zhen, loco, applejuice, etc…
But I was damn pissed off at a person, I don’t know know who just wants to squeeze RM info out of me! Come on! It’s like I know! If I know, I won’t even tell you. What makes you think I’ll tell you?! It’s not like you’re a big Smartie or what! I keep my mouth shut too! I don’t know you. Stop asking me why Mike smokes because I don’t know! I don’t want to know. So what if he smokes? I like him. END OF STORY! It’s like my dad smokes but I love my dad. If you decide you dislike a person because he smokes, it’s stupid! I blocked the person after she irritates me for the Nth time. Don’t ever try to 讨my words. You don’t know who I am. I can be scarier than you imagine.

I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I feel so troubled but I don’t know why. I should be satisfied. I want to camp myself at home. I want to go out! But I don’t want to be a soul-less me when I’m out! I don’t see the point for not being there! I’m sooo glad I texted Patricia before I actually go and bathe and all because I guess she’s sleeping or what. LOL! I’m used to her MIA.

I was emailing Qiuhan. I’m dependent on our relationship. I was seriously dependent on it. It was the only way to make me believe in human and friends I guess. I don’t want to lose faithful in everything and everyone. Her mails make me feel bothered. Zhen asks me what I want for XMAS, I told her心意. She knows what I got for them. HAHA! I bought 2 FOX jacket for zhenzhen and liwen. My policy “你进我一尺，我敬你一仗。’ But if you were bad to me, I don’t know if the devil of me escape and I make you suffer one day. I’m serious 心意, even an FOC thing like blogskins, videos, etc can make me happy. This year is going to end soon. I thought about what I did in 2008. Nothing. Smart, Ms X , poly.

I was showing laogong some 4e1 stuffs when I saw it. Is this something a first class will do?

Mike’s present which we’ve been working very hard for. It’s not yet exposed to the world yet. But… this is my blog, it’s like I care?

He’s worth! At least for now.

Last Part of the 歌词本

Humanization

2008-12-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

Humans are all guilty conscious. I’m a human too. I can empathize. If saying those make you feel better, I hear. I listened to her but I choose to hear you. I can sense the difference in sincerity for I know who you are. I just want to read those FF for now. I’ll get back. Ignorance for the time being is bliss. I can pretend I don’t know. I can’t eat back what I said. I can change my face. You aren’t worth that much.

Don't put on a mask on your face. Even she thought your approach was for. Approach me with a agenda that is going to happen. Ignore me if you just want to console yourself. It don't make things better. If you still think I'm a person who sways with your guilt.

When SORRY have to be said, a mistaken is made. Don’t apologize to me if you have not done me wrong. It will make me think that you are wrong to me.

I like to say sorry very frequently if you realize. I don’t like others so apologize to me. But I’ll rather say sorry than thank you. I’m weird. I said ‘sorry’ so frequently that I think sorry doesn’t have the sorry meaning in my dictionary anymore. I don’t make sense TODAY!

I do good things for an agenda. This applies to everyone whether you admit or not. When I volunteer, I don’t feel the instant achievement, but it makes feel good. I don’t believe in people saying they volunteer for the sake of whatever. The word volunteer never ever exists. I like to do things against the flow sometimes. I just don’t know why. Is it because it makes me stand out? Or it is because I can’t stand the draggy part?

I think we moved on further than we thought we will go. Blessing? I guess so. I enjoyed that anyways. I guess I’m not that transparent anymore. I like how I show myself in ACE. I can act the way I want very freely. I won’t say that’s me, but I like being that way. I like being an idiot, singing with a stupid voice.

I can’t frame them into human terms today. BTW, I realized a lot of mistakes made in confession post.

P.S. Is it you? Guilt conscious overwhelms.

POST 4 XIAOLILI's pictures

2008-12-14T20:55:00.000-08:00

I wanted to blog last night when I came back from another chalet. But I didn’t. I enjoyed the journey back and my time spent there. I enjoyed it greatly. I drank the peach flavoured breezer with LILI. I like peach more than the other flavours. She was telling me that ZHENZHEN drinks! I don’t know that GOSH! I DON’T KNOW THAT YOU DRINK! ALL THE IMAGE 消失 already!

I wonder how it like is to be drunk. I’m never drunk before because I never take liquor out of what I can take. I’m curious. But it was nice yesterday. We got He JunXiang to buy for us and he was asked for his IC. He don’t look like he’s 19 at all! He looks younger than us!

Pictures…. This isn’t going to be an emo post!

The three of us lost in downtown East.

On our way… We agreed to meet @ 4. I messaged her @ 3.50 that I’ll reach CityHall in 20 mins. When I call her at 4.20 because I was waiting in Cityhall. She says ‘OH! I’m in orchard.’ OMG! Lols

HuiLi making the sambal sotong.

Tim

Jocelyn

XIAO LILI and her FAT TONGUE
XIAO QIANG who refuses to take pictures!

My favourite Picture of the DAY!

“HE JUN XIANG!” whom have became XiaoZhu after Basketball Fire started.

US playing Indian Poker? Is that how you call that? Just a game with forefeit.

Xiao Qiang with the birthday girl next door.

XiaoLILI and the ‘shuaige’ next door.

ZIBAI TIME!

Death is an inevitable.

2008-12-13T18:37:00.000-08:00

I went to Ms X’s blog. Emotions pouring. I figure that if I wanted to respond to Ms X’s blog, her tiny little tag board isn’t sufficient. Frankly speaking, I was shocked to see you posting those names and all your thoughts so ‘naked’ in a way. I meant supposing you kept some yourself, but it was the most ‘naked’ time.

I guess it’s normal to sway with you since you are my source of judgment. I don’t think anyone can judge objectively at the right spot. There was never a third person. I think we, in general, always tend to fall into either sides of the situation.

Last times are inevitable. How much difference will it make if the last time is tomorrow, nine months later or nine years later? It will come after all. I will feel sad that it is the last time. But I still don’t think that I will do anything even if I’m going to die tomorrow. I’ve lived my life, maybe not the most exciting one, but my life has been one which I believe I should be satisfied with. I can die with no regrets tomorrow. But thinking of all the things we could have done, I don’t know. We could have eaten all the possible smelly toufu in the world. We could have completed the endless list of restaurants waiting. What will we do on the last day? Nothing. I will still spend it like a normal day. Maybe sitting at Bugis café, maybe shopping in departmental stores for kiwis, I will still spend it like a normal day. But I admit it will feel different.

I won’t hug because you said you don’t like hugs.

Whether who leaves first, will it make a difference? Perhaps it will. I will show who is abandoned and left behind. I have N people leaving my life. I call these people 过客, I will telling my friend another day, I won’t be surprised if you and I become strangers. I won’t be surprised if I can talk like normal friends with one so-called enemy. I won’t be surprised. Will you be surprised if we become strangers? I won’t be surprised if I saw you on streets and you can’t remember my name. Though, I won’t we can be like we are now for very long. (no forever)

I will cry if you die. I think maybe 10 years later, you will feel that whatever thoughts you are having now is childish. But I will still say whatever thoughts we have currently come true for us.

You said “I didn’t do anything right”
You made a right friend! You did it right by knowing me!

Am I? Confession

2008-12-12T22:10:00.001-08:00

I have this thing about what kind of tone and attitude to treat what kind of people at where and when. I guess everyone has it too. This is why I couldn’t take it when Solastri called this hypocritical. But I guess she was right is a way. So am I a hypocrite?

I deleted the long post of what happened yesterday. I didn’t feel like posting it up. I guess it was not what I wanted to share. It will make you even guiltier for being such. (There’s really guiltier this word? Microsoft corrected me!) Perhaps you aren’t just conscious enough.

I called Zhenzhen yesterday afternoon with the intention I gave myself that I wanted a chat with her.
I guess this was our conversation, something like that, I couldn’t remember that clearly either.
Zhen: Hello
Me: You are outside? It’s okay. I call you when you’re home.
Zhen: You sounded very sad. What happened?
Me: You’re so bad! I didn’t want to cry you know! MEANIE!

I didn’t know I sound sad. I mean I weren’t supposed to be and I didn’t have the intention of having a pouring session, maybe I had sub-consciously. I cried when I heard her say that ‘you sounded sad.’
We had a proper chat later when I chilled and she’s in house. She asked in a super act cute voice I guess ‘发生什么事啦？’ because she says that I use that voice to act to her. Do I really have a Maryln’s accent? I sort of poured all the bad things to her. I didn’t mean to say those. As in, I didn’t feel to be bother that much. I don’t know why I choose to tell her all the bad things that the good ones seem so insignificant. It will never be the same. I can never feel belong again.

I webcam Ms X much later. And I told her the good stuffs. Ironic. I don’t know what I choose to be so selective over the things I say. I mean I could have shared the same things. Why did I choose to put a different filter? Why? When have I doubled my joy with Zhenzhen? I don’t want her to be the one to halve my sorrow. This is unfair to her, I feel bad like a burden. Thanks Ms X for doubling my joy anyways.

P.s. Just a confession to my apologies. I changed a lot this year. I felt stupid for what I have done. I choose to keep quiet for I know it won’t make a difference.

SUPER ACCURATE!!!

2008-12-12T01:04:00.000-08:00

I just went to do a 算一算 randomly which was super accurate!!!

This was almost exactly what the 紫薇抖数guy told me! OMG! I bold those which are the same!

http://www.63e.cn/sm/sm/sm.asp?sm=1

吴蕙孜
出生时间：(公历)1991年11月25日20点

本命属羊，路旁土命。五行土旺缺火；日主天干为土，生于秋季。（同类土火；异类木水金。）

重要说明：本结果为系统自动分析，仅供参考，八字缺什么与补什么无关，具体应由专业老师分析！　

(农历)
辛未年十月二十日戌时

八字：Not good to show I guess.

五行：金土土水土水木土

纳音：路旁土平地木平地木山头火

八字五行个数 : 1个金，1个木，2个水，0个火，4个土

四季用神参考 : 日主天干土生于秋季,喜有火，有木，忌金、水多。

穷通宝鉴调候用神参考 : 己土生于亥月，三冬己土,非丙暖不生。初冬壬旺,取戊土制之,土多,取甲木疏之。

生肖个性
根据分析，您的生肖为“羊”

①研究欲强，富有创造性。

②善良、宽容、顺从。

③有耐心，不惹是非。适应环境快。

弱点：易动感情，主观性差，随波逐流优柔寡断。

日干心性
和缓,谨慎,心灵手巧,但疑虑多,欠果断。容易因情耗财,防止被人牵着走。

日干支层次
[己亥][上等]坐正财正官，为财官双美，主贵。女命己亥，也可嫁贵夫。

日干支分析
计巧伶俐，衣食安稳，骨肉少力，六亲冷淡，儿女早见刑克，迟到稍好；夫妻和顺。女人清闲，晚年好。 * 根据四柱预测学部分专家学者提供的资料，归纳整理，个别字句有待考证，总体准确度较高！

五行生克制化宜忌
土旺得水，方能疏通。土能生金，金多土变；强土得金，方制其壅。土能克水，水多土流；水弱逢土，必为淤塞。土赖火生，火多土焦；火能生土，土多火晦。

五行之性
土主信，其性重，其情厚，其味甘，其色黄。土盛之人圆腰廓鼻，眉清木秀，口才声重。为人忠孝至诚，度量宽厚，言必行，行必果。土气太过则头脑僵化，愚拙不明，内向好静。不及之人面色忧滞，面扁鼻低，为人狠毒乖戾，不讲信用，不通情理。

四柱五行生克中对应需补的脏腑和部位
脾与胃互为脏腑表里， 又属肠及整个消化系统。过旺或过衰， 较宜患脾，胃，肋，背，胸，肺，肚等方面的疾病。

宜从事行业与方位
宜土者，喜中央之地，本地。可从事土产，地产，农村，畜牧，布匹，服装，纺织，石料，石灰，山地，水泥，建筑，房产买卖，雨衣，雨伞，筑堤，容水物品，当铺，古董，中间人，律师，管理，买卖，设计，顾问，丧业，筑墓，墓地管理，僧尼等方面的经营和事业。

三命通会
己日甲戌时生,是妻从夫化。己土与甲木相合,化土成局,土神聚集秀气,禄源深厚。如果月中无化,那就取甲木为官,丙火为印,戌上甲木成行,丙火合局。如果通月气,那就显贵;如果不通月气,有刑、冲、破、害的,是平常的命,自身虽然吉利,却早失父母。己亥日甲戌时生，通土气月，要行木运；通水木月，要行身旺运，这都显贵。

月日时命理
十月生
此月生人，前年正月受胎，冬至节后出生。为人声音刚强，心灵艺巧，然男女多相克，夫妇难合睦，心情易变动，常为失败之因。初限不理想，晚景安逸。诗曰：为人生来庆半余，免得灾殃祸其身，更宜持济行善事，一生衣禄睦三春。　
二十日生
戌时时生

You aren't YOU. You are YOU.

2008-12-12T00:50:00.000-08:00

I did an Mental Age test twice.
I got 24 years old the first time.
This is the second time.

http://www.manhi.cn/other/guestyear.htm
鉴定结果您的心理年龄31岁
与您实际年龄差14岁
幼稚度72％
成熟度21％
老化度67％

I’m home from 4E1 Class Chalet which Verge says ‘It’s the first and last time’. But this was the initial one. In the end, I think that he changed his perspective. Both Wanwan and Verge was unpleased by the attendance. I felt okay initially. But I was intensified by other factors which set me thinking a lot. This is why I got so quiet at the wrong time. I have a choo-choo train of thoughts throughout this entire gathering.

I guess it will be okay to say I’m home from somewhere most times. But I don’t really like the idea of saying this ‘I’m home from Class Chalet.’ I read my own words and I noticed what I meant myself subconsciously. It was just a remark I made myself which made me realize how I truly felt. I’m home from X. In other words? You should understand. Home is a feeling as it has always been. I don’t want to be black and white for this thing because it’s not positive, at least not to me personally but I acknowledge it.

Back from some sleep.

Speaking of black and white, I seriously think that not everyone bothers about right or wrong because it’s always neither. But I do. You need a little black to get white polluted. How much white will you need to lighten the black? I will still want to dissect every single factor to make a judgment. There was a particular scenario which troubled me. Should I choose to believe? I guess I should. Anyways, I am not like before anymore. Never will. It felt like I was never one of them. I guess the presence made an insignificant difference.

Who was there when I need help?
Who was there to share those times?
Who was there when I’ve been through my darkest times of my life?
Who was there to share my glory?
You all. If it weren’t.

I didn’t mean to copy Ms X’s style of writing ‘such paragraphs’ I just wanted them to stand out. But I admit it is the same thing. LOL! If Ms X is reading. HEY! I copy cat wor! (That accent)

I realized I’m a person who is easily satisfied for love. I just need little things that one person can do to make me feel that I am loved and bothered. You were the one who was sensitive. She never was. This is why I was never offended although people who are really supposed to remember my birthday forgot. My mother and Miss Yeo both forgot that day. But my mom got my hints later. Miss Yeo wasn’t hinted in my mails. I’ll type another long mail to her later; I’ve so much to rubbish bin her.

I wasn’t offended because I know they love me and I’m special to them. I agree I was disappointed to see her forgetting but never offended. That’s what true friends are for right? I guess so. We are special to each other for the little golden chairs stuck to our butt. I’m just so confident about my golden chair in her. Confidence was something lost; I required. You have that golden chair too!

There was another thing. I’m scared of commitments. I’m fearful of committing. Know why? The dictionary will define commitment as ‘pledge to do’. To me, once committed, you must fulfill your obligations. I think this attitude is good to events I guess. I will worry if I can’t keep up to my promises, I will fear if I have to let others down. I rather be ambigious that ‘I may not be’, then saying I will and I will not to disappoint the person. Noted? I said ‘may not ’. In other words, I can DO, I have the ability to DO, but I don’t. But I know we all have to prioritize. I told one person ‘时间是人挤出来的.’ I went to YV one day before my econ tests too. If I can.

I strayed so badly. Back to the main topic, two girls 4 guys stayed yesterday. I stay because I can. If you can, why didn't you? Well, I stayed because nobody is staying. But most of the time people stay because many stay, but I stay because few stayed!

We watched one miss call together. I had fun although I slept in the middle. But I was there for the scariest parts. But I guess I wasn't the most timid one, Clement was worse I think. I don't think he was even looking at the screen at all. But that face was really DAMN scary. I'm surprised that I'm so daring now because I even dare to stay alone at home after those scary stuffs. I guess it's because I wasn't that scared because I removed my contacts. I still remembered how Celine forced me to watch inner senses with her because she don't dare to!

p.s. I chose to use sarcasm to make you feel better. You should feel glad that I respect you by not revealing your names. YOU refer to different you at different times. YOU are directed at YOU. So if you felt that it is yourself, which means you are self-conscious that you did wrong to me despite the fact that I didn’t even say YOU is you. You may not be YOU but YOU are guilty conscious.

But there’s one YOU who’s good. The one with my little chair stuck on her butt. You know yourself.

Back to my production of 自由飞翔~

忙盲茫的累泪类

2008-12-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

累
从来就没离开过
像个恶魔一样吞噬着
无法，可以，不愿意
睡眠不是解药，需要
因挥别而美丽

泪
犹豫在双目中
让它勇于而出
让它转为蒸汽
飘到天涯海角，流浪
只不过是让进去的逃走罢了

类
原本就不是同国
不可能成为同类
谁和谁是类友
谁与谁成为敌类
要怎样归类

我徘徊在做与不做
我捆在对与错
蒙上双眼，选择无视一切，
我是鸵鸟。
时间不是唯一解药
时间是将所以埋伏
埋起来的看不见
却还是深深地存在着
闭上眼看不见。
视觉会撒谎

SOME EMO-ing

2008-12-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

I've been taking alot alot of pictures these few days because my life was rather eventful for the past few days.

This is going to be a boring reflection post. But I guess pictures are entertaining. I decided to change the colours of my blog for blind people. LOL! Yes, I'm refering to you. I like the camouflaging colours. But I feel like having black and white sudddenly too.

Please don't ask me how my tests went. I can only say that AUTOCAD was fab. I left a 6 marks question empty. I know the points but I don't know they were the answers. I suspected. I made my choice to leave it blank. Celebrate if you are my enemies.Or should I say, I'm your enemy? I don't have any that I know of. Not officially. lols!

I was thinking about the little chairs in my heart. I was wondering about the most important person in my current life. I know we can only have one when it comes to most important. But I mean when you have top 5 and top 10. I realise, I can't fill them up. Is that pathetic? I told Celine that I will reserve some for my cyber friends if it's top 10. She was shocked. So am I. They feel more genuine to me than some of my friends who I can see, feel, taste, hear and touch.
As I was filling the space mentally, I filled four with my family immediately. I was shocked by my act. I realised that I always have Angeline as part of my family. I guess it’s in my blood. Yes, I have four family members and despite of whatever, Angeline will be in my top 5. What about the fifth? I don’t know. I feel bad not to fill some. I feel obliged to fill some. I feel that I’m afraid to fill some.

Who will be your top 5 or top 10? Am I even one of them? I doubt so.

I’m tired. More to come!

Some people are just permanent residents of my little chairs.
I think it's evident by my phone speed dial. There are some numbers in my speed dial that I will never get to call.
E.g. My house number - We don't pluck into our house phone.
Angeline's number
Qiuhan's number

MARYLN's MATCHMAKING POST

2008-12-07T08:38:00.000-08:00

I have two candidates to recommend to everyone today.
Interesed parties, please email me @ doreaberries@hotmail.com

They are both young and sweet, able to conceive.

Candidate Number 1 - Leong Kah Chan.

Name: Leong Kah Chan
Chinese: 梁嘉真
nickname: zhenzhen
Height: 158cm
Weight: 45kg
Fav. Animal: cats
Fav. hobby: volunterring
Current job: schooling (republic poly - biotech)

Target-
Sex: MALES - to know whether you are a male to suit her. GO Check @ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Males
Looks: No preference but normally ugly
Character: kind and humourous

Candidate Number 2 - Celine Goh

Name: Celine Goh
Chinese: 吴蕙伶
nickname: nin nin
Height: 160cm
Weight: 44kg
Fav. Animal: elephants
Fav. hobby: sleep
Current job: Dunno
Status: Attached but interested to find lao uncle to get all his assets after he pass away.

Target:
Sex: Males
Financial status: At least $8000 per month for her and $2000 for her younger sister.
Looks: Hairy
Character:Lame

Nominess who are shortlisted will be informed for an interview on the 30 of February at the 25 hour at the street between Jurong and Changi.

If you are single, desperate to look for a partner. You are also welcomed. Maryln's Matching-making service vaild from 5 December 2008.

Sunday - Celine Shopping @ Bugis

2008-12-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed my day today! I always love going out with Celine. Firstly, she’s a portable ATM who moves about herself. Secondly, I’m never afraid of walking out of the fitting room even if the biggest size can’t fit. She bought me jeans, supposingly my belated birthday present and treated me to a dinner. We wanted to go steamboating but all the queues were long. Thus, we settled for subway. But I’m satisfied. I’m happy with simple things. I talked a lot. I was on the verge of crying when we talked about her sensitive stuffs. I feel comfy crying in front of her. I don’t in front of most people.

I was telling her how bothered I was over others’ eyes. Despite the fact that I convince myself I choose for myself, I’m bothered. Deep in, I know I’m unsure and I’m uncertain of my decision. I can’t stand on my perspective strongly. I can’t say that I chose the right way. But she stopped me because she says ‘other people will think that I bully you!’ I LOVE YOU!!! I’m serious okay.

I’m naked in front of Celine. TOTALLY NAKED. I mean physically and mentally. Do you think it’s easier to be naked physically or mentally? I guess if I slim down, physically will become easier. LOL

MUAHAAHAHAHA! See my ZILIAN POWER!!!!

This is the picture full of emotions! FEEL!

Friday - ZhenZhen @ commonwealth Long John

2008-12-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

We talked alot. I guess you can call it quality time. I listened to her alot. Thought processes went through me. You probably won't know how I felt to see the BFF folder. I won't tell you either. You figure yourself. I just want to let you know that regardless of what happened. I truly think for you. I don't want others to hurt you. You never know the true colours of people, including me. I know you don't want to think the bad side of people. But this is what I think. I don't want this to spoil our relationship; I believe you won't want it too.

I can only say. I love you. If I had little chairs in my heart, I'll reserve one for you and I'm serious about it. I sound so mushy. But I'm serious.

Agenda. I shut up if you feel better. Don't cry, I know you like to do that. Don't feel frustrated. I just want you to know... I want the best for you.

You have your thoughts. We are grown ups. I feel for you when I see your tears. You won’t give up because you are truly concern. This is why I see you swelling. You feel bothered because you love her. You care. Sometimes, when we have actions and intentions, we just don’t think of the agenda behind them. But they are there.

Zhenzhen's perspective of Beauty. Her ART. GOt Feel?

Thurs - YV Campfire.

2008-12-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

I went out with Liwen for PizzaHut dinner which I treated her because I'm late. I feel guilty. I regret a little for making that promise to treat. But not very great because I think it's still okay. Mind you! That meal costs me $40. I mean I'll feel better if I treated her a 'changing appetites' which costs me $40. Pizzahut isn't worth that much. I saw alot alot alot of old friends.

I don't like to use old friends. Friends are friends. Why do I have to use the word old? The feeling of being a YV-ian truly rocks. Memories are back for me.

I POST BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT THIS PHOTO! HERE! HAHA

THE VIDEOS OF 谐星plus one

2008-12-03T05:37:00.000-08:00

THe shock of OUR LIVE!
I think Miss X never thought I will dare to post! HAHA!
I dare to post OKAY! haha!

I know I'm funny! haha!

I don't need comments. I need praisals!

Passion-less

2008-12-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

Well! I was with whom the whole day today? I guess the answer is idiot-proof! HAHA! Use your toes to think of the answer, may you?

I enjoyed myself today like I did yesterday. But PM isn’t going to be as promising as Autocad is going to be I guess. Disappointments. Well, but I think swensens threw that out of me. I had the student meal icecream which MissX and I had always said that we wanted to have and we finally have it.

Like normal days, we had a lot a lot a lot of conversations. I think our conversations make us different in our way. We were discussing about how we weren’t be like us now if we weren’t in this pair friends situation. I feel weird comparing myself that way. Other than clique-ing together, what it takes to be a friend should about the exchanges you make mentally, I guess. We don’t really share that much about ourselves but we share our perspectives, which I think most people will be bored of. I dunno. It feels weird to put such things black and white. But the truth is we are indeed different.

Friends are friends. There’s a difference between friends, buddies, cliquemates and classmates. People tend to generalize them under the category - friends. To me, friends are on another level. I have this classification system that works within me subconsciously and consciously. Classmates are potential friends. Classmates whom you hang out with are called cliquemates. Do you think you will still be friends after you leave school? When you no longer have the need to clique together? There are just tones of people whom have said bye to me. But friends stay. Friends truly stay. I don’t have to name, you know you stayed and stay, do you?

Thinking about my previous CHINESE POST, I really feel so poetic! I’m amazed at my Chinese! It was 40% fiction actually! But I do have an idea about it. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s you. I like to be feeling for the big big Chinese words I’ve used. I’ve learnt. Instead of brooding over things that will never go the way you want it, why don’t just cherish this current moment I have.
Something MissX said inspired me. I’m inspired easily and I’m always inspired. She says that ‘acting may not be what her ‘true passion’ is in 5 years time, but currently that’s what she wants.’ I respect her for choosing her passion because I think I don’t have one yet. You need courage to pursue your dreams. I don’t have that kind of courage.

I have no passion. I think that sounds totally sad. But this is the truth. I rather face this truth than putting something that is not my passion as my passion. However, I do have something I truly love which is SMART. Nobody empathizes with this except my laogong and other pervies. Understanding is an issue, empathizing and truly stand in your shoes is another issue. Empathy is not an easy thing. I don’t empathize and I can’t. I don’t like to claim what I can’t for what I can. I don’t like to pretend what I can’t for what I can too.

I sound so simple in this post. I’m getting so conversational. But I’ll still post this up. I feel like doing so.

I printed pictures today. I can feel the immediate judgments forming in all your brains. Judge me like humans do.

CONCERT CORRUPTS

2008-12-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

LOLS! I apologise to ELI for my yellowish. BUT YOU CAN COPY TO MAKE THEM BLUE! Haha!

I didn’t MUG yesterday. NOT AT ALL! I was sooo disturbed by the happenings. I hope Kathleen don't read this blog and abandon me from going to the concert. I really wish that she'll bring me along. But then I did on Sunday Night. PHEW~

Trying to stuff all I can into my little brain! Autocad was good yesterday. I hope it turns out well too! I’m quite confident looking at… haha! I shall not name. But then there are still parts which I didn’t do like some arrows and some dimensions weren’t accurate, some of the lines weren’t straight after I mirror it. But I still managed to do everything within my ability with a few minutes free. I really hope I can do well. I pin high hopes for myself because I genuinely wish to do well. I hope I will do well.

BTW, can I know who reads my blog like DAILY! I have people coming here everyday but I don’t know who you are! I thought nobody reads it until once in a while. Hi to people who read bloggie secretly. Maybe my secret admirer? HAHA

OMG! I feel so daily in this post. Well, after all we need to relax sometimes. I don’t want to feel all tired from analyzing every single second kind of thing. I enjoyed myself yesterday truly. Though, some things turned out to be sensitive. It’s always sensitive. I don’t know what they want. I don’t like it when they contradict themselves. I’m just innocent trying to share. It’s just a concert anyway.

I don’t like it either when things are stolen from our home. It’s good that the person apologized and deleted it away. We got no proof or anything. Pictures from backview only! That’s a place hard to understand. I really don’t know anymore. The cyberspace full of possibilities. I know people whom I can trust and whom supports me. But I know of people whom are scary, you don’t know if they are with you or against you. Well, are you for or against me? I think maybe even people who are for you may be against you. You never know. What are true colours? True colours never exists because we change our true colour all the time.
This post ended heavy.

Celine and I mugging @ Mac

2008-11-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

I went mugging with Celine.

I have to admit it wasn't an effective mugging session but I finally and actually mugged!

We took a video. I was trying to distract her. But the sounds aren't good. The sounds for all the videos aren't good! angry! Gonna test out at XP tomorrow! Hope that it gets better! The sound quality is really bad!

真惜过了吗？

2008-11-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

曾经曾经
你是我的垃圾桶。
从前从前
我愿把我的全世界与你分享;
喜，怒，哀，乐。

现在我们之间的联系是什么？
虚幻所刻意塑造的圈圈？
不需要，真的不需要
宁愿把我的世界与真实的虚假分享。
曾经快乐的在一个圈圈里，
过去了就会成为往事。
而你应该听过‘往事只能回味’，
因为看不见，摸不到。

我活在属于我们的圈圈
我从不认为多余是多余
因为多余并不多余
现在多余多余了
属于我们的回忆与故事
并不希望重写
不要新作家，
不要破回忆好吗？
或许作家没发现，
那是史人说过的话。
埋藏在心里，永远都不会忘记的。

停止是我最近的发现，
我的不再却不惊，
或许你从来也不知道。
你是那么的简单，
对你来说1+1
只不过是个等于2的公式，
我却不以为然。

我曾告诉一个人
“Thoughts are essential to keep us human.”
虽然我认为这是一句
我很想告诉你的话，
好解释这一切。
不会，不用，不要。
祂们都是多余的。
我并不想与你说多余的话，
因为祂们只不过会是迷路的音浪，
找不到听见祂们的主人，
为他们安置一个最好的家。

我从来就不是一个好交的朋友
奇怪的个性，难接的谈话。
感谢你这路为我笑，
陪我哭，无悔的付出着。
我真的很不喜欢刻意。
如果是多余的
宁愿暗自离去。
需要，从来就不是一个去壳。
如果小小的行动，
对你都是负荷，就让一切结束吧。

难过流泪的人
不会是你了
有人会一直在这里
你从来不知道那份意义对我有多重要

这不是你的错。
向前了
而我却是被遗忘在过去的回忆
如此的微不足道。
不，回忆是美的。

你有着我从来走不进去的圈圈
我有着你从来不试着走的圈圈
你们有着自己的圈圈
多余与多余的圈圈

真惜过了吗？

p.s. You won’t think I’m referring to you, would you?

I know I'm cute

2008-11-27T22:00:00.001-08:00

Forever F4

2008-11-26T04:48:00.001-08:00

F4 will forever be F4.
The F4 feel is like there~~~
I'm not a fan.
Just because the WOW thing is funny when I was K-ing with Patricia today~

Blogs

2008-11-26T03:58:00.000-08:00

Better Now! Strawberries work on me!
人真的不能倒着走
玥是这么跟我说的
她告诉我说，她也觉得过去比现在好
但是没有人能倒着走
我的快乐会回来的.
我好了

Birthday

2008-11-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

I blogged but I deleted it. I didn't feel like expressing myself that much. I find it redundant to show. I have my thoughts with me anyway. It is just whether I record it down and whether I show it to you. I can't be bothered by why you think in your way sometimes. Anyway, I'm always mistaken about how I think because I can't put it the best way I want it.

People don't form the right impressions of me of who I am either. I'm not the way you think I am. It is not that you're wrong. But it's just impressions. Once you have a rigid framed set up for me, you disallow any exceptions out of the limits. Who understands? Who knows? Who bothered?

Packing the room...

doufu dian in Paya Lebar

The 红豆奶冰

The softy donuts and chocomint

The big bag! Thanks I really love it! I really really really love it! Thanks for walking endlessly!

Them!

Identical phones. Mine is the one on the left. Know how I differentiate them?

Pardon my small eyes

Scenery

My last and first hours

2008-11-24T08:45:00.000-08:00

This is the last hour when I’m still sixteen. I didn’t feel good to become sixteen. I don’t think it feels good to become seventeen either. I had a heavy day today. Though, I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed eating doufu. I enjoyed walking around Bugis rather aimlessly. I enjoyed sitting at the ‘café’ doing nothing, just talk about our views towards anything.

I wanted to blog during this last hour. What I meant was just pure blogging without doing anything else so that I can arrange my thoughts for what happened for the past year and the past 16 years of Maryln Goh’s life. Though, I don’t think I’ll be posting this up until my birthday is officially over. I won’t want to explain why.

I have to say, the last day of me being sixteen is a bigger trauma than the first day of me being seventeen. How do I describe that? I didn’t feel the difference until I looked at the time displaying on my angangno1. As time passes, I could physically feel that coming. When I was left alone, endless thoughts flashed through my mind. How? Why? When? Where? What? Endless of them.

I talked a lot with Patricia today. It was rather emotional for me to listen and having the processes going through me. There were times when I felt like crying but I held the tears back. I think I didn’t show that either. I shall blog backwards.

I wanted this to me Maryln’s time but I realized it may not be because I have tons to update for SMART. Yes, if you were wondering what SMART meant, it means Support Mike And Rainie Together. It’s a forum for them which I founded with some other English speaking fans all over the world. Look back at how much time I’ve invested on them, I hesitated. My hesitation was with regards to whether they were worth it or not. I remembered those times clearly. I had an affirming stand that they were all worth. Are they? I spent most of my time the past year loving them, idolizing them, and doing what a crazy fan could have done. Yes, I use LOVE. I LOVE. What will be the outcomes? I knew it all along. This will never be an investment with returns isn’t it? I knew. Why would I use the 'investment' word? I shouldn't use it to describe that; not at all.

There are just tons of people who have been discouraging me to continue, maybe including you. What was it that kept me going so insistently? I don’t know. Till now, I’m tired and discouraged. But I still can’t kick it. They are my passion which probably none of my friends will understand. I call my fans friends something else – family.

Back track… I was in the MRT alone. Then, a sudden thought just flew over but I was able to catch it and I did it. I wanted to do something weird. Perhaps, it’s not weird, but it will never be something that a person will do. I wanted to walk across the MRT as it travels. And I did. I was at the last cabin. I walked all the way to the front as the MRT travels from Clementi to Jurong. I could feel eyes on me. I had no emotions, no thoughts then. Nothing. Even though, I could feel the puking sensation. I always had car sick problems. I vomited in my dad’s car on last Friday. Despite of the physical sensation, I walked all the way through to the first cabin without any expectations. I did that for nothing. I just wanted to feel and experience it for myself. Maybe it’s nothing. Guess who I saw? I wasn’t expecting anything, some part of me just wanted to do that. I saw my sister – Celine. That was when I wanted to cry again. I really feel like crying to see somebody you know and you love when you’re feeling so down. Yes, I was feeling down. I don’t know why. Perhaps emotional is a better word to describe that feeling.

Back Track…
Yes, it was a random decision. We just decided to have smelly doufu again. And conveniently, Patricia could remove her extensions. We discussed a lot about perspectives. I think we had different perspectives towards how life is and how life should be. Well, I think this is natural because all of us have our individual view. Love or Bread? Love? Bread? Decisions are hard to make. I’ll like to be decisive if I can be. Then we went to Bugis because it’s still early. I think the part I enjoyed most today was sitting and cuddling my laptop and myself at the ‘café’. If I were to say 10 happened to me for the past year, 100 happened to Patricia I guess. Perhaps even more. Life is a drama itself.

12 past…
I feel like crying again. I think it’s funny. Ironic. The first person to wish me happy birthday isn’t from Singapore. It’s from people all over the world. I feel like eating back what I’ve said because it is worth. It is not just Mike and Rainie, it’s SMARTIES. Speechless… I guessed that my husband will do something but I didn’t expect it to be this! This is most probably the best present I had ever received and I mean it! It is the 心意 really.

Just too many… even those whom I don’t expect!

Roddick from Vietnam
My Baby from HK
My sister in law xiangfei from Macau
Tangtang_sweetmix from Hk
Ni teacher from Shanghai

Four pervies
Baobao dad from HK- She bothers to count the no. of days we know each other! But she thought I’m 18 because I told her I’m 17 earlier!

Yueyue from QingDao! I didn’t know she’ll say something like that. She’s the only one whom I feel so comfy webcam-ing all day!

My husband for yipo! We are really soul mates. She knows me.

In this world, there’ll most probably be less than 2 people who are willing to open their ears to listen to my crap and they know what I’m talking. She’s one of them. The second? Will it be you? Knowing me is really not difficult. It is my choice and your effort. If I’ve chosen; what about you?

Well, I don’t want to blog anymore because I realized I’m starting to use a wrong tone.

I’m not surprised if you forgot. I’m not surprised if I don’t receive any msgs. I’m not surprised.

But I’m surprised.

p.s. I will check my English tomorrow because I’m sleepy! Hehe! I decided to post it.

True Friend Test

2008-11-20T05:04:00.000-08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/2061342

http://www.truefriendtest.com/scoreboard/2061342

I got A2 for Pat's test..

Courage VS recklessness

2008-11-20T02:15:00.000-08:00

那天本来要打给真真结果没有打~懒惰~~~~今天说好要去跑步但是找不到鞋子。。。没有跑步鞋我跑什么？算了做瑜伽顶顶。。。反正我说了是running+yoga~ 至少对自己的运动部分负责了今天msn真真。。。她对我好冷淡难过~好不开心哦~ 超级不喜欢人家动我的东西超级不喜欢自己‘乱花钱超级不喜欢我东西很乱超级不喜欢妈咪乱丢我的东西超级不喜欢今天的午餐，难吃死了！我不要再去billybombers超级不喜欢自己当篮人超级不喜欢我一直吃超级不喜欢自己那么肥超级不喜欢自己不快乐超级不喜欢自己不用工
超级喜欢自己快乐的吃超级喜欢我。。。

It's always easier to think of the good things than the bad ones. I feel so uncomfortable because I can't go running. I was listening to her plans when I think that... I don't seem to know what my passion is. Is Events truly my passion? It is definitely not something I dislike because I love observing people.

SMART is my passion.

It is truly my passion.

However, I'm scared when I don't know what others think you me. Just like how I judge, others will also form their own set of judges on me regardless of whether it is true or not. As long as they think that I'm that way it becomes 'true'.

I was trying to do the itineary for my EMC which is the 30 famine camp. Those 'worldly issues' start to dawn on me again.

Why? Why? Why?

I'm starting to think that whether I'm heading towards a right direction. I suppose I'm on the right track. I won't have the confidence and courage to do what she's doing. I admire her courage. Or should I say, I admire courageous people becauese I'm not courageous. I'm not a hero. I'm not courageous.

I happen to hear of this story where is A levels wrote this for his General Paper on a topic 'courage':

"This is courage."

I truly think this is courage. He got an A for this sentence because that's truly courage. Sometimes, courage and recklessness are just by a slightness difference. In fact, I think the only difference is the outcome. If your choice is proven to be a success, it will be called courage. If your choice resulted to be a failure, it will be call recklessness.

A saw B drowning.

A jumps into the pool to save B.

B survived.

A died.

Do you call this recklessness or courage?

My Teacher

2008-11-20T00:57:00.000-08:00

This is my Literature teacher when I was in Seconday 2.
She was my music teacher when I was in Secondary 1.
She was my sister's history teacher when she was in Secondary school.
My sister is 8 years my senior. (she was in St thersa's then)
This is Sister Agatha.
She was my friend's mother's teacher. LOL
And today... I saw her in youtube for this...

She teaches me when Iris eyes are smiling.
Well, she's old. And entertaining.
I commented. I know it's not right to do this to an old lady.
But it is so... funny.

I'm bad. I wonder how many students will she have visiting her at her... erm...
Maybe it will go to the news. She most probably taught a million students including of my class and my sis class.

If I...

2008-11-18T19:49:00.000-08:00

I wanted to translate Part 3 of Live Show during PM but then the earphones failed on me. I don’t understand why the part 3 can’t be downloaded. Weird! I’m still trying to speed up my subbing process and I’m speeding up because I know that I can time first, and then I put in the translations. I really do have a sense of achievement for this!

So far… I did Happy Sunday and I’m gonna finish LIVESHOW today. Hehe~ It feels weird to see your own subs actually. Thanks sternix a lot! I actually wanted to blog very much these days but I find it a chore to frame my thoughts into words because they are always going everywhere.

I talked a lot to Celine before she slept yesterday with those snoring noises she makes all the time. I needed an ear. I wanted to call people. But I seriously have no idea who I can turn to at that late hour.

If I…

If I’m eating, question me because I WANT TO be on a diet.
If I’m drinking, encourage me to drink more.
If I’m walking, keep up with my speed.
If I’m sleeping, don’t walk me up.
If I’m typing, leave me alone.
If I’m jumping, that means I’m excited.
If I’m talking, listen to me.
I just like saying. I really want to know what Zhen got for me because I’m very scared that I buy the thing already or Celine will be getting it for me! Speaking of Celine!!! She bought a 400$$$$ watch for Dominic and she grumbled over the bag she’s going to buy for me which is most probably less then $100. How dare she! But then she’s getting lah. She’s getting bag for me for my birthday and a laptop bag for Christmas and I’m getting thumb drive for myself! I really wanna get a 8GB one. But then Pat is right about.. what if it crash? 4GB is cheaper too. But I like the number 8! Haha! I shall buy it today! I don’t care! I going to send Laogong her book too; to IPOH!

Picture time!

On my way to Wanwan’s hse

Some cool, I’ve taken

Sometime in Econ’s lecture long time ago

A 2 dollar note that my great grandaunt left for me…

My strawberry remains

Rainie being 4th @ cdrama

Stuffs from MAOMAO

I went to Kino to buy Devilish Prince for laogong…and… this is what I saw.. sweetttestt

I blindfold myself

2008-11-17T03:39:00.000-08:00

我其实打了好多好多次
可是我却不想po上来
或者说我们没有勇气吧
我觉得自己blog出来的东西很不好。
我不想让别人打乱我的循环
有谁？大家都把自己当作世界的中心。
我错了。我真的错了。错的可怜。
大家都是凡人罢了。

We are all truly only humans, we have our own limitations.
I was just reading Pat’s blog. LOL! I went home after sitting at the T5 benches alone until 12.30pm. BTW, I don’t know English just came out of me. I wanted to blog in Chinese but then English comes out! I went home. I never pon Econs before, but then I feel like since I’m alone anyway, and I don’t like that. I’m frank, not John nor Tom. I’m frank.

Every single individual revolves around our own world. I don’t know why I feel like crying a lot these few days. I feel emo for all the love I have around me. I feel blessed to be able to chat with QiuHan. I feel glad that zhenzhen still cares about me.

Ignorance is truly bliss. I am amazed at how I choose to blindfold myself sometimes. Should I just pretend that there’s nothing? I guess I can and I will.

我没有勇气，
就算我在表现得如何坚强
我只不过是我而已
我很脆弱的。哈
我的沉默不作声，是因为不知道要说什么好
我无视你对我的伤害，是因为我觉得这样我会好过些
我不知道要如何帮我自己
现在的我最快乐的是因为翔琳的一切
他们是我的世界
虽然知道这样不健刊
但我却选择让自己沦陷
因为快乐是最重要的
我不反对任何人做任何事
因为我相信只有自己才有能力为自己做出选择
如果今天我帮了你，那往后的日子
你该怎么办？你要学会为自己决定。
知道吗？我等下一定要听到真的声音
强忍着泪水，很辛苦
今天我决定要说出来
说出来，让我舒服。　
每次，当我想就算我的个性再差，
就算我做出了多少错事
就算我放了真多少鸽子
她永远不会气我很久
她当然会生气！
然而，因为是知己，所以她会包容我
因为她会包容我
现在的我，真得很不会用言语来表达
但是，感谢所有。知足常乐是我给自己的忠顾。　
那天涵给我看她喜欢人的照片，第１个好ｍａｎ哦
完全不象她喜欢的人
第２个ｃｅｌｉｎｅ说很可爱～
还好啦。。。没有我可爱！
我喜欢自己不要脸
因为只有我开心的时候我才会像‘做效果’

过去让它过去　来不及
从头喜欢你
白云绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远走在一起
有一点真心　换一个勇气
忘了吧～我要学真真。。。ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｔｈｉｎｋ
瞎子是快乐的
我现在的选择，一定会让去年的我耻笑～

this song rocks!!!!

2008-11-12T04:39:00.000-08:00

Just now

2008-11-12T03:35:00.001-08:00

I don’t know why I have a feeling that I know this person. I won’t say what this Kate says is totally true. But part of it is reflected from her and perhaps she didn’t notice. I do share some of her beliefs but I will never be like her. I stand and uphold moral values too strongly in a way. I won’t ever do that to myself.

Reading her blog make me think a lot. What is happening to this world? Whether her ‘story’ is a fiction, a fact or maybe a fact-fiction, I liked her ‘story’. I think it makes me sound horny. To some extent, I think I am. I remember I was called ‘horny girl’ by HongQuan and WeiQian during our Beijing Trip because I got so open at those topics. Well, we were talking about the frequency how ‘guy masterbating(I don’t know how to spell that)’ that’s how I got the nick. I think I’m very ‘toot’ for this post. For innocent people, just don’t read.

I got to know more things about that after reading her blog and cleared up some of my misconceptions that were caused by people who think they know but they don’t. Just using 69 as an example, somebody told it is was this. But it is actually something more and a more specific version of this. LOL. Self-amazed at the way I phrased it. I just realize that the word moans don’t feel right for my blog anymore. I’m soooo polluted now. EEK. I’m just an innocent little girl!
Her blog is very different from those CHENNA stories I read online, it is not like some fantasy that lives happily ever after. I feel real and perhaps it is real.

Well. But I could see her growing mentally her blog continues. It is also normal for her to blog less with less blogging cravings. I just don’t get what’s wrong with her and old mans. GOSH! How can old man… There’s really something wrong with people’s mind nowadays. Animal slave?

---------------------------------------------------------

Those who’ve seen me blogging will know that I don’t blog in blogger. It’s just my habit to blog in notepad or word before I paste the entire thing up. Thus, most of the times my posts are post entries. Just because my occupied with other stuffs, I haven’t been visiting smart regularly. Whenever this happens, just because I part smart for awhile, I will lose the urge to go there which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Celine will rejoice. But I don’t feel comfortable without the urge because that’s my habit.

I just had my bought-home dinner. My mom never cooks. Maybe she do, say, twice a week? I enjoyed my dinner though. Mushroom soup and honey-roasted chicken. My dad knows what I like to eat. It’s just my mom who keep bugging my dad that what he bought wasn’t of her preference and which stall of mixed rice he could have bought for her instead. They are all mixed rice, why be so particular about it?

What makes me love my dad most today is that I’ve got strawberries tonight! It wasn’t that I’m in bad mood tonight. I need strawberries badly when I’m in a bad mood but M&Ms work for me too. I bought M&Ms when I was desperate yesterday and I went munching on it non-stop. (I was just frustrated for the EXTRA amount of CARE I had to shower on my son.)I think strawberries will come in handy today because I had thoughts in me today. Strawberries soothe them. I think it is just me who makes myself think it way. Whatever the reason is, I like strawberries. It makes me feel good. I’m not really in a mood for pictures but then if I don’t post them, they’ll just stay in my memory space forever. So I should be post them.
I feel thankful and blessed with strawberries by me. I am accompanied by strawberries. Who will call me? Even if I felt alone, I won’t go bother you, not anymore. Could you be even bothered?

we realised that we haven't been taking mrt together for very long.

VERY HUNGRY?

Fainting because of fatigue? too hungry?

My double dynamite 2 layer chicken burger!

I swear her tastes good! I think it's even better than mine. Some cheesy chicken thing under favourites I think. Mine was good but hers was better! HUMPHS! haha

Dont ask me why it shaked? I switched on anti-shake already. But my hands shake all the time! Thats her hand in representation of her. So.. she became her hand?

What's with her hand? Absorbing magical powers? That tissue got stuck there!

We wanted to order something else. We wanted to order 2! We got very full after the very American serving meal. But then how can we not crave for deserts? But we decided to settle for one because we realised that we may not finish. Why Frankenstein Mudpie because we had it once? It's just too tasty!!!! (I deleted one post that I blog about this trip but then I deleted it because it is just not me to blog that way. I won't use the word YUMMY. I don't think that that's a word I would use. That's too weird. YUM=DUMb? haha! it's just bizzare)

Autocad Just Now

2008-11-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

Yes!
I’m in my autocad class now but then I have nothing to do. GOSH! This is the fourth week that we are learning Autocad. But then I was only able to attend one official lesson which is last week. There were 2 occasions when I was physically present only. The first time because I didn’t have a mouse so I wasn’t able to follow. Autocad is just weird software. I skipped once. And I attended last week. And this week, I’m here but then my son crashed, so I don’t have the software. I’ll figure it out some time when I’m free. I don’t like it when I’m constrained. I don’t want to see useless so I figure that I should do something to make myself useful which happens to be blogging.
今天突然想用中文打blog
好奇怪哦！也不知道为什么那么突然
我已经好一阵子没有用中文打了吧
我不是一个好人
那我是坏人吗？
世上不可能有100%的好人
而坏人呢？
我们都是存在在灰色地带的。
我不喜欢没自信，不喜欢把自己想的很不好的人
因为如果你不爱你自己，没有会爱你
一切从心开始
每个人都要尊重自己
每个人都要爱自己
就算自己是那么的一文不值
你还是要为自己的所有而自信
因为你是你自己所创造出来的
我一直觉得把自己说的一文不值的人好假
因为自己永远都回保护自己
自己也一定会为自己的所有知道
有一位老师曾经要我们写下自己20个优点
在我和我的朋友写的当儿
大家一直在问一个问题：
‘这算是优点吗？’
其实优点和缺点指在一线之间
他们都是你的特点
而如何运用他们让他们都成为你的优点
那才是你的挑战。
那天看了电影不是我要看的
不是梁柱不是hsm
是madadascar
我不喜欢拿不电影
看似单纯的外表下
它有着不良的教导
被我们‘保护’在动物园里动物
不可能回到大自然了
是人类伤害了这个自然景象
电影人觉得嘲讽人类很好笑吗？
把人类hunter弄得如此不堪
你我都是那个狠心的人
如果他们回去大自然，他们会死
因为我们门来就失去了动物的本能了
他们不像野外的生物
他们不知道人如何生存
我很不喜欢很不喜欢不喜欢
这样一个卡通，却如此恶心
为什么？
最好笑的是
现在竟然是狮子怕人哦
人才应该怕狮子吧
而且动物会走！
That’s crap
I know that it’s just cartoon
But I just can’t accept the misconceptions and wrong understandings that it is teaching.

Blank

2008-11-09T04:53:00.000-08:00

I need to blog.

I have some sudden and random emotions overwhelming me. When I sit down before the table, I start questioning myself why I am sitting down here. Why I am here? How I am here? What I’m doing here? Do I have answers? Nobody can understand how I feel for myself except myself. After all, the emotions belong to me. Similarly, I can’t feel for anyone else too.

This is perhaps why we are individuals and we are all different. We don’t belong to each. We lead our own lives. Yes, maybe we may intersect with each other in one way or another, but who will be the ones who make their turn for me? Who will be the ones trying to keep my lines straight? I am myself. I shouldn’t ask too much from others. But can others ask from me?

Sometimes, when I think I no longer know anybody in this world, I freak. I feel for the total isolation that was forced on me. There is just nobody who will show everyone everything. Thoughts can be read. Thoughts may not be read. I can show myself. I shall not show myself.
There are facts and logics and you and I know. But when it comes to applications, who are the real ones who accomplish them? Sometimes, you deceive people. That’s alright. I think deceiving others is okay. But remember never ever deceive yourself. That’s pathetic.

I am enjoying my luxury of a comfortable life. But I am greedy. Everything won’t be the same anymore. I can’t.

p.s. Waiting for han’s email. She sent a super short email to explain her hectic life. I replied a short mail to keep her in suspense for what that are happened. Like I’ve said, we are all individuals, but I want to know what happened to her. Even though we are at points along different lines, but I truly wish that I know what happens to her. Linkages aren’t visible. It is not like if I hold your hand, means I know you and we are best friends. Physical touch will show but it may be deceiving. What that is most truthful is the mentality that nobody sees.

Ms chu wedd

2008-11-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

Ha! I wanted to blog yesterday but I didn’t. I figure that I wasn’t in the mood to do so. Yesterday was really a very happy day for me. I’ve never been so happy for so long already. The feelings were so true for me.

I ended my o levels on 11/13 last year with my BIO MCQ. We were very happy. I still vividly remember depressing, heartbreaking and miserable our class was when we had to part. All the tears that drained because of our departure had all evaporated to thin air. And now, yesterday, we were celebrating the joy of our gathering. Everyone has changed and grown but we are still who we are, we are still 4E1, and we are still as united as we can be.

That kind of feeling of having 4E1 together is invincible! Around 20 went to ms chu wedding and around 25 will be going to class chalet this coming December! Thanks Vergie a lot for booking the chalet, which is supposed to be my job, but I seriously… The food part is easier to do. I’m a bad girl. To be frank, I think it is the responsibility part. I can’t take the booking responsibility. Currently, I can still take the Food responsibility because I’ve been through once. It took me some time to actually find the courage to book for the BBQ for my first time. I know it sounds ridiculous but it is true! Thanks a lot Verge!

I saw some teachers too. I can’t help it but feel very touched with the part where they talked to their parents. I admit that I did want to cry. I feel weird. I think my emotions go wild when I’m with 4E1. I’m more conserved and reserved in event rangers. I mean I still get crazy once in awhile. However, the craziness is still not as crazy as 4E1 and I’m always crazy in 4E1. I know I shouldn’t compare. But I’m glad that I’m on 03, not 01, not 02, not 05, not 06 and definitely not 04.

We around taking pictures together like idiots. Most of them aren’t with me yet because I didn’t really take out my daughter. We had poly vs jc. We had lonely MI. We had us and ms chu. I wanted to take a picture with ms solastri, she taught me a lot. I could feel her equipping me with all the mental skills I require to face my future. If others can SO can I. Who is the force? I am the force. For things to change, I must change first. But she left.

I think I’m glad that our class didn’t make our class a waste. Your class can be like our class if you wanted your class to be a united one like ours. I brag when it comes to 4E1 because that is what I can truly brag and I’m confident about. I don’t know why a group of 20 still makes me feel very little people came. Many of our classmates went overseas, we started of with 40 and only 36 took o levels. It wasn’t that they didn’t make it to sec 4 or wasn’t qualified to take Os. But they went overseas. I guess their leaving made our class special. Seeing people leaving one by one perhaps gave us some message that we ourselves didn’t realize. But it certainly made us more united did we? Ha! I think 4E1 isn’t that emo class or what. I tend to exaggerate a bit. But we are truly the way we are. Now, 35 or less left in Singapore. I won’t be surprised to know that 2 years from now, there’re only 20 left in Singapore.

So many stories left unsaid.

HA! I didn’t wear skirt, but everyone else did. Pat says wear something formal. But then, I asked around, nobody seems to be going very formal, so I guess I’m still okay. I mean, can chu qu jian ren. LOL! I really like vista! Although I’m still not used to the difference with some features here, I like vista so much more than XP.

Who left? haha! Look for the person who is not in the picture! wish to see more people

nadirah, shuihui, jyings, daniel, mikhail, shilin, noel, still got who? haha!

I need some luck

2008-11-07T06:15:00.001-08:00

Must I really describe how today a disaster was for me? Can I even phrase the bad luck into words?

Firstly, I lost my EZLINK card which I just topped up today. What’s worse is that I topped $20. How unlucky can I get man! Though, I feel lucky that I didn’t top $30, so I save the $10. But I really got so irritated because I lost my EZLINK card! How can it be! Why? I don’t want! Please! My mom gave me hers. The one which I lost was hers also. I feel guilty for shouting at her when she meddles with my things. My mom is a person who likes to touch my things and throw it away when she thinks that it is useless. She won’t even consult you sometimes. But if you are there when she meddles, she’ll go on and on and on and on. She just repeats and ARGH! I love my mom and she’s most probably the person I love most on Earth. But she’s just so freaky annoying. Annoying is too harsh a word, just noisy.

If we have to wake up early to go temple or something, say 6am, she’ll on your room’s lights at 5am and starts bothering and making noise to remind you to wake up. She’ll come in every 5 minutes to report the time so much so that you can’t sleep at all. It is like you could have the 1 hour sleep but she happily ‘helped’ you to wake up early. Then, if we’re all tired at night on our way home in Daddy’s car, unless my Dad needs to rest, then she’ll go around ‘sh…’ with that warning look to let my Dad sleep while Angeline drives. If not, she’ll be a loudhailer, using the volume as if she’s speaking to a 100 people crowd, when she’s in a confined car. It’s weird that I talk so much about my mom. Despite all that crazy things she does as a mother, I won’t say she’s the best and most understanding mother, but I will say she tries to do and shower what she can on us. My mom isn’t educated, so she’s not a wise person who’s able to think, but then she’s a good person. (Just that she gets gossipy over my family scandals because my family is really scandalous and I inherited this from her)

Secondly, I killed my son. Well, I went to self-support so that I can look for help to my son’s situation of restarting himself. There’s this cocky person, who said it is not virus. It should be hardware problem and I don’t trust him because it worked for very long but only until recently then got problem. If hardware got problem, it won’t work since the start. His explanation wasn’t convincing and he suggested that I reformat. So I said Ok since I have no other choice. Then… The disaster starts. I won’t want to say want happened. I’m glad that the other china guy is helpful but he seems to know less than me. In the end, it crashed. I recovered it back with Compaq back up and it is VISTA again. VISTA?! Vista sounds good right? But I’ll have to reconfigure it back to the SP system which is XP. I have to tell myself ‘it is okay’. Effy configure 6 times but she reformat during hols, so I guess is 7. And some 01 girl configured 5 times. This is only my third time and I see my fourth one coming the next Monday. I will successfully selfcert it one day! And I’ll protect it from VIRUS!

Sorry because they aren't paragraphed. Just chucky.

Obama = Peace?

2008-11-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

I feel gets agitated easily recently. I think I’m having PMS because the symptoms are very obvious every time. I have PMS very frequently. I’m starting to grow bored of my life routine. I get so pissed off easily. I have this thing that the whole world is provoking me but I know it is in me. I know it so clearly that I am the one.

I’m starting to get bored of my routine. School>Home and it goes on forever. I feel like watching High School Musical. And Butterfly Lovers but then I don’t know who will be that free like me to watch that.

I wanted to blog about Politics because I feel for Obama’s victory. He reminds me for Martin Luther King and his speech about ‘I have a dream’. Well, their dream truly come true for them. What I like about what Obama says is that ‘this is not red state, blue states, etc, this is the United States of America.’ He said something like that which I think is really patriotic. He makes America a Nation.

I think Obama is more charismatic than Mccain. This is like how Ma Ying Jiu is more charismatic than Xie Chang Ting. Charisma is really important. Leaders have that, Adolf Hilter too.

Do Racism really do exists? Does the winning of Obama shows that Racism no longer exists? Well, I beg to differ. The ironic thing is that Obama’s supporters are of both black and white but Mccain’s supporters are all white. The black don’t support the white Mccain. Who are the real racists here? I hope I won’t get killed for saying this. But this is true.

Meanwhile, at another end of the world, Taiwan is suffering for rebellions on streets. They are protesting for independence because some China ambassador went to Taiwan. I don’t understand why. Isn’t merger good for Taiwan? Looking at their situation, I’m glad that we have stable political situation here is Singapore. So what if we are called idiots for being under PAP’s control? We are the ones enjoying PEACE!

Ha~ I just hope blogger don’t block my blog for being so political here!

Get Real!

2008-11-04T05:34:00.001-08:00

Screams!
There are so much that I want to do.
There are endless that I wish to do.
It's so limited for what I can do.

I like things which makes sense and has a purpose. I find myself loving this word. I use it very frequently recently - agenda. I just like it. There's an agenda.

I was saying that there are no any forever in this world. This is why I got a bit...eh... when I read 'Mike he i will love you forever' nonsensical because that is not possible. I talked to Patricia yesterday and 老公today. 老公says that my boyfriend will be very pathetic because the person can say 'i love you forever' to me. I will think that the person don't treat this relationship seriously enough. If you are serious with this relationship, we will know that there isn't any forever because we die one day. If you want me to love you forever, don't you want me to have love my next life? Love will becomes habit. I believe in the existence of love, but I think I don't like love which is to romantic to be real. Romantic love do exists, on the condition that it is realistic and it makes sense.

I really think that a person who puts the word 'forever' by his mouth is not a serious person. Get Real. What is the point of saying promises if you can't fulfil them and you know it yourself? This decreases your credibility and makes all your promises seem empty. Make a promise only when you have at least 80% of fulfiling them. I won't say I promise something. This is this why I use 'I think' most of the time. I won't wont to make conclusions and give definite answers. I like to beat around the bush. I think this is not good for me personally either. Nevertheless, I feel comfortable this way. WHY?

I can't give commitments. I don't like to strive. I'm a molecule. I feel like a molecule. I'm small(not physically in terms of size, if you realise I do have an enormous size), I'm insignficant. I'm not an atom because I don't like to be alone. I don't like to be alone. I feel lost. I remember somebody walking in front one day and the person feels lost. (It is obvious.) Thus, I caught up with her and makes her feel like, she have a sense of direction. I can't remember who she was but it certainly don't feel good to be the one leading the way alone.

I'm happy and satisfied that I blogged today. I was reading at what I posted in Smart last month. And I was telling 老公 I can't believe that I typed that.

Phelgm vs Mucus

2008-11-03T17:42:00.000-08:00

I wanted to blog all these while but then I didn't because I'm lazy.

It becomes a ritual for me to cough my morning way as I go to the toilet to wash up myself everyday. I hate that uncomfortable sensation that disturbs me. I don't like the painful and dry feeling which lingers at my throat with that traffic jamming nose with endless mucus. I was telling Patricia yesterday that I don't understand why whatever that comes out of your mouth is called phelgm while whatever that comes out of your nose is called mucus. They are the same thing to me. The yellowish substance that I have to force out of myself every single morning so that I feel comfortable with no blockages for me to breathe in the 'fresh' air.

My mom was saying that she will be going to genting with my dad this coming chinese new year eve. She wants to 'abandon' my siblings and I in Singapore, living us to go to our relatives places. However, Celine and I said that we want to tag along. But my mom says that we might not be able to go all together in the end because 'da gu ma' won't let us go. Family politics, my family is just a scandalous and problematic family. I like my small family even though, Angeline can be quite irritating.

Because Celine and I share the same room and same wardrobe. The clothes are piling up and the clothes is too heavy for tray below. Thus, my mom went throwing our clothes away. And... this was what happens....

妈咪: 这个要不要？
我：要
妈咪：这么短还要！丢！
妈咪：这个要不要
我：不要
妈咪：可是我觉得很好看，留住啦
我：哦
celine: I think we should get a shelf or something to keep some of our clothes
me: Don't waste the money lah! Anyway 肥的(angeline) is going to get married next year. You'll be changing the room liao! don't waste money really.
Dad: I don't know anything. (walk out of my room as if he didn't hear anything.)
Celine: yah lor! yes... I really wish she quickly get married lah!
妈咪: 对啦,还不要结婚.

lol! I really wish Angeline cann get married next year! I want to have my own room. I will love my niece/nephews even though it's her child. hahaha!

2008-10-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

I really don’t know why I like to trouble Trouble, when Trouble doesn’t troubles me.

She’s still resisting. I don’t know what she did, but I know, I can feel the difference towards how they treat me. But for them, everything becomes worth it. They are my habit, my passion.

I think I don’t trust. I can’t give trust to anybody so easily. Similarly, I don’t think, I’m given trust. You said you don’t want to depend. But you are. There’s this reliance that you did not want to admit. After all, I’m not somebody who’s worth to rely on.

When you think that I’m doing what I’m supposed to, let me tell you that I can give up everything. I can disappear too. I choose to stay, taking up the hard way. I wanted ours to be ideal. Do you?

开心因为有你陪我
放心因为你会帮我
担心因为我不够强
动心因为你的诱惑
忧心因为我很不安
倾心因为你存在着
心心相印的。爱，你。

Feelings in History

2008-10-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

I’m a weirdo. This is a fact and I never intended to deny this. I am quite quiet today because I didn’t feel like doing much talking. I did laughing most of the time. Laughing tells more than talking does. That’s why I think. Just by the way you laugh, it paints a thousand.

I just don’t know why I’m always not in the right mood to do things I’m supposed to do. I go to school when I feel like staying at home. I eat when I’m not hungry. I go out when I feel like cuddling up at home. This is why I didn’t want to blog yesterday although I think that I’m obliged to do so.

I was just reading Pat’s blog as I type my blog simultaneously. As I read her blog, I don’t know why I smell pepper suddenly. When I move away from her blog, the smell is gone. Her blog smells like pepper. I don’t know.

I was photoshop-ing things for RM because I feel like changing my signature. I seriously think my PS skills are inferior. They are like shit. I feel so bad about myself suddenly now. This is so wrong. Why is this inferiority overwhelming me now? I was look at 77’s, Nini’s and everyone else’s PS pictures. They are all 100 times better than mine. I want to improve on my skills. I learnt several new techniques as I was trying to photoshop this picture. I want to become a photoshop expert. This is a skill. Photoshop is just not as easy as it seems to be. I’ve still yet to explore all the filters. I’ve still yet try out all the possible combinations and permutations.

I still can't figure how to PS chinese words. They are too 'characterised' to PS.

I want to lose weight seriously. I want to slim down seriously. I was trying very hard to control what goes into my mouth. I hope it works.

I was on my way home in a train with tian and kai when I realized that I seriously give people a very wrong impression of how I’m like.  Both of them think that I’m a more English person, I really don’t know why people form this impression of me because my English is bad. I have 100 spelling errors and 200 grammatical errors if you can spot them. I’m starting to get worried for my EMS test next week; because I really want to do well. I want to have 2 distinctions this semester and I want to say good bye to grades below C. I hope I can make it. I’m deeply pleased to know that I still want to do well, still motivated to do well. Despite of my motivation, I’m yet to be energized to do well.

Everything is ironic today. I shan’t say. I just feel like masking myself up. Perhaps, I masked. Just like everyone. I was amazed at how I was able to shut up today too. I used few words. I’m hitherto to be tactful. I feel like reading a lot. I feel like reading ‘the Wednesday letters’ because I know I will love it. I like the thought processes that are going through my mind as I read. I feel like a train. I don’t want to read what Celine reads because it is… trashy. Not trashy, it’s just too romantic for me. I can read Niki Burnham if I want to read something romantic. I still go back to Royally Jacked and Spin Control sometimes. They make me feel happy and mushy. I read them when I was 14 and I still read them now, though, they are trash too (according to ms solastri). I like stories which reflects life and portrays how humanity truly is whether good or bad.

I like blogging because I feel happy doing so. It is like revealing what I want to reveal to people, however, still controlling the exits like a membrane. This is like an announcement.

I'm the sailor man

2008-10-27T21:12:00.001-07:00

I'm in this project management class now.

I was just reflecting on how I got emo last night. Was it really beause of excessive listening to Bring me away? Well, I guess there's a fact that I didn't want to admit to myself.

I lacked the sense of security. Towards everything and anything, I'm always seeking for the sense of security but most of the time, nobody gives me that. I know this is in myself. I don't trust. I created a facebook account, LIKE FINALLY, but I don't think I will be using. I created to watch some videos, only to realise that the whole world is using facebook.

Whenever, I change my blog skin, I have another feeling. This time, I decided to use a semi camouflaged wordings. I don't to hide and I don't want to show. It is hinting what I want from inside?
I added a playlist and a quote of the day which I discovered at the gadget. I think I should find some day to explore blogger.

I have so much to pour. I didn't spill all of them out and I'm conscious of it. I can feel the existence of it. I should just pour all of them out but I don't know what I'm insisting in myself. It is wrong if I want to prove that I am strong? I want to be strong. I don't want to be vulunerable. (I'm not fragile at all.)

因为有你我不是一个人

2008-10-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

一千万个谢谢

cannot embed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj4msxXRjbo

射手座终极分析
乐观与忧愁：射手座人的内心不是外表看上去那么乐观的，因为喜欢看的远，容易担忧的事情也就多，在他们的字典里，即使现在好，也不一定代表未来好，有时候很多人觉得很好的一个工作或一个伴侣，他们很轻易的就会放弃掉，可能只是因为一个毫不起眼的小原因。所以，这样的外在表现，就让人们觉得他们不喜欢被某件事情或某个人束缚住，追求自由的，没有压力的感觉。

现实：常说射手座是追求梦想的人，但往往忽略了他们现实的一面，算计起来不会比处女座差哦，只是更高明更隐藏罢了。射手座人的梦想是必须建立在现实的基础上的，一般他们很少谈及自己的梦想，而是实际的去做一些向梦想靠拢的事情。如果可以借巧力完成的事情，决不会多花一点工夫。所以有时候射手座也容易给人耍小聪明的感觉。可是，不得不承认他们完成的还满不错。也许终其一生，他们都在考虑怎么巧妙的做一些事情，花最少的精力去达到最好的效果。所以，很多射手座看上去让人们会觉得很懒，但是其实他们的大脑可没有停下过思考现实的事情。

拒绝低俗：几乎所有的射手座内心都是骄傲的，其程度绝不亚于狮子座。只不过他们不会显现在脸上，外在的表现总是随和的，恰当的。可是内在有着极强的自尊心，敏感也情绪化。因为射手座人心中是骄傲的，所以他们拒绝低俗，不喜欢任何俗气的、粗鲁的事或人。如果可以，他们希望一切有关的事物，都是优雅的、高尚的，值得品味的。而真正能让他们觉得值得交朋友或谈恋爱的人是很少的，虽然表面上他们是很随和的。

多情：很多人说射手座多情，尤其是男性。其实在射手座人的心目中，对于爱情确实有理想化的倾向，和他们谈恋爱，是一件高难度的事情。他们非常讨厌俗气的人，所以你不能很物质或喜欢谈钱，但是他们又很现实，所以你不能一文不名，各方面也必须有一定的实力。物质与精神，你必须平衡的刚刚好，才让他们觉得你值得去爱。或者，你有足够的神秘感，可以让他们不知道你的缺点在哪里，而盲目的爱你。一般，当然是没有完美无缺的人的，所以，可能象金牛座这样永远会让射手感觉捉摸不透的闷闷的人，会非常吸引他们；或者象双子那样，足够机智，懂得察言观色，捕捉他们的情绪，才会让他们感觉到爱情的甜蜜。一般射手的感情模式是，第一阶段，你们还不熟悉，他（她）爱上了你，非常热情。第二阶段，你们逐渐熟悉，而他（她）开始龟毛，整天挑剔你的毛病，无论是背地里还是当面。如果你有幸通过他（她）的挑剔过程，基本挑剔出的毛病为零或者你把缺点保密的非常好；那么进入第三阶段，他们就又是忠诚和热情的爱人了。但是基本能通过第二阶段的人非常少，所以有了射手多情一说。其实射手对恋人的挑剔，是源于对爱情的挑剔，对丧失自由感的恐惧。

射手座人的人生，往往是幸运的，因为他们是聪慧的、明朗的、通透的。与众不同，也许是他们终生追求的梦想，希望每一个射手人，可以找到他们的梦想！

　　人人都说射手座是感情的骗子，对爱情不尊重，只追求片刻的快感，是花心与冲满欲望的象征。朋友们…你们了解射手座最真实的一面吗？
射手座是大孩子，天真与善良，遇到爱情时，可能让人感觉不认真，付出的比谁都少。可是，知道吗？射手座很想爱，却也很怕爱！刚开始他们只是慢慢的付出，谨慎的爱，好怕自己会受伤。可是在一句一句的爱，一天一天的相处下，射手座把带刺的防备丢掉，开始不顾一切的去爱他们所爱的人，在别人眼中，只是射手座为了达到某种目的而作的行动。可射手座不介意，他会在自己幸福的想象中陶醉，希望对方能感受自己的爱，想对方觉得与自己一齐是幸福的。
在射手座爱上了一个人，他会把自己放到最后。有苦自己承担，可能会因为吵了一场小架而不开心，却也是最快认错，无论谁的错，他们都会包容，知道吗？射手座会因为深爱一个人而原谅他的背叛，会因为你的一句话付出很多。他们爱玩，在玩的同时，也希望把那一份好心情带给你，射手座是乐观的。
　人们总觉得射手座的世界很快乐，可是呢？射手座难过时没有人知道，他不想让别人可怜自己，射手座不坚强，可是很善良。在你难过时哄你开心，让你有依靠，分手后，他会哭者去想属于你们俩幸福的回忆，也不想爱的人因为同情而勉强和他一齐。他比谁都希望自己爱的人快乐幸福，却常常忽略了自己，全身都是伤也笑着告诉你，我很好不用担心。
　　在所有人看到他的笑容以为他没事，却不知道失恋对射手座有多大伤害，华丽的外表下有一颗脆弱的需要别人了解和安慰的心。知道嘛？你的一点关心，心思细腻的射手座会记得你对他的好，把自己的爱毫无保留的送给你，射手座是不被了解的，可他们不会怨谁。他们会傻傻的认为，让我承担吧，别让别人也受到伤害。所以，不要让快乐的射手座痛苦，别让他们最有魅力的笑容成为掩饰痛苦的伪装，认真爱射手座。你会知道射手座的爱，是充满泪水的…

那把声音

2008-10-23T05:50:00.000-07:00

今天的我想用中文来blog
我今天不开心，好不开心，真的很不开心
早上还好好的，回到家，好不开心。
你我今天好像有了一段距离，我觉得你不再对我倾诉。
为什么？
我今天不知道为什么就打了通电话给真真。
原本只想要说说话，聊聊天的，怎么知道，
当我听见她的声音时，我忍不住哭了。
真的好难过，不知道是为了思念，还是为了想念，或者是一种舒放。
我觉得我不再谁的圈圈里，我被排除在圈圈之外。
我想要一个可以容下我的圈圈，我想要属于的感觉。
真真的声音对我来说，那么的安抚，
就算只是一把声音，可是对我的意义却很不一样。
每次，只要我听到这个声音，就会有温暖。
可是因为我真的不知道要说什么，所以就提议打给丽丽。
我们说了好一下子，因为听到他们的声音让我觉得好安心。
不知道为什么，有时候会有一种孤军奋战的感觉。
我，不是一个人吧？
好讨厌噢～人家明明很坚强的。
但是却因为一把声音，那种温暖，而破功了！
我好不想做功课，等下看电视在做吧。
不喜欢自己如此不努力，好像我开的都是空头支票。
我需要更努力。我也需要更加油。
我们都在为自己的生活而努力。
我们都是。。。
你还会在意我吗？还会想知道我吗？还是我们只不过是那种关系？

p.s.刚刚换了skin，不要因为我的眼睛吓倒了

Just some pictures

2008-10-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

带我走

2008-10-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

每次我總一個人走
交叉路口自己生活
這次你卻說帶我走某個角落就你和我

像土壤抓緊花的迷惑像天空纏綿雨的洶湧
在你的身後謹慎的步伐每個背影每個場景
都有發過的夢

帶我走到遙遠的以後
帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
帶我走就算我的愛你的自由都將成為泡沫
我不怕帶我走

每次我總獨自遠走
保持沉默不皺眉頭
這次你卻說一起走
如此溫柔從此以後

像土壤抓緊花的迷惑像天空纏綿雨的洶湧
在你的身後謹慎的步伐每個背影每個場景
都有發過的夢

帶我走到遙遠的以後
帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
帶我走就算我的愛你的自由都將成為泡沫
我不怕帶我走

白忙流過漆黑盡頭潮汐襲來浪花轉動
雲在海岸結成了膜哦～～哦～～～
成為草香草原其中又在傳來一滴彩虹
可在心中還帶著脈搏～～～

帶我走到遙遠的以後
帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
帶我走就算我的愛你的自由都將成為泡沫
我不怕帶我走
帶我走就算我的愛你的自由都將成為泡沫
带我走

Listen to my blog

2008-10-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

HAHA!
I added the Rainie's songs to make everyone appreciate how good her songs are. But I won't say everything is good. But her songs are hard to sing and this is a fact. I'm going to put dai wo zou as the main song.
XINLEI AND I were trying to take pictures while we got alot of disturbs.

Angang's bag

angang's finger

angang's head. Pardon me for my fatiness

liang's close up. I can't stand my small eyes so I photoshopped it. I looks so scary lol.

If you still if that I look fat here. OMG! I photoshopped to be slimmer. I am even fatter!

IMG]
finally the right one!

A mind of your own

2008-10-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Just like any other day, I guess, so much happened today.

I read the papers today and I love it. I think reading the news overwhelms me. When I look
at what is happening. I will get deeply amazed and touched. I find find a better word to
describe. Overwhelmed by emotions? Many articles drew an important mark at the back of
my mind. There are articles about great world news, economy news, little singapore
scandalas and all. There's one which I read is about the decreasing in size of heliosphere.
Well, this is a impactful thing but it is located at some unattractable corner. What's on the
main page is the recruiting of Marina Bay Resorts Sands. I'm going to cut that out for my
Econs, I've selected a few. I seriously feel that this world will end before I die old.
__________________
I fell asleep yesterday while waiting for Celine to get her homework done.

Reading activates my brain, causing it to think and you can just think of all the neurones in
action. I can't think now. The emotions from yesterday were lost and I could no longer find them back anymore. I think this is what we always say: '活在当下'. Am I doing so? I hope that I don't waste my time. I don't need people who share the same thoughts as mine, but I certainly need people who can think. You have your own thinking whether it can be the same or not. I think great minds may not think alike.It depends on how your perspective is.

haha!Trying to hint that I'm a great mind. Well, I think you are a great mind as long as you have a mind. MIND you, having a mind and having a brain is different. I don't think I have a full mind. But I do have a mind.

Something Eli said to me made me ponder what colour or skin mode did I add to myself. I always give people the wrong impression that my English is good when it is like XXX. I won't say that I have lousy English. It is just that I'm not as proficient. Anyway, she's not the first one. This is why I was thinking why I give people this impression. Ms Foo was shocked by my B4 too. Eli said perhaps is not the written ones. Frankly speaking, I will feel nervous when I have to use English in front of a lot of people. I will feel nervous to decide what accent do I have to use for Chinese. I won't want to sound to singaporean in front of China people.

By the way, I didn't realise that our accents are different until I went to Beijing and our accents are... Well.. So I seriously think that accent is a very important thing. The kind of accent you should use with different groups of people so as to make you feel comfortable and belonged. This matters very much.

I know I am lucky. But every family has got its own problem. I don't go around saying mine. I think nobody will go around 'publicising' family problems. We are all just working very hard to make our lives possible. But I feel blessed with what I have. I am allowed to do what I want to do. We all have our ideals and it doesn't matter even if they are different. We have our own thoughts and it doesn't matter if they are different. We are all unique on our own.

Lastly, I feel happy because Econs makes sense to me and I love it. 3.5 here I come!

I'm ALIVE

2008-10-19T06:16:00.000-07:00

OMG! I SCREAM! I seriously think I should work hard already. I was listening to how my other friends did in Poly and they are like so freaking good!

Daniel got 4 for his gpa! '
Cab got 3.8 plus.
Sherlye got 3.3.

And I'm like what?! What am I doing to myself? I'm so not motivated and wasting all the time I have! But I'm seriously proud of 4E1. I think Tanglin really gave us a very good enviroment which nutures all of us. I think they really filled us up with a lot of potential. After the chatting, I seriously think that I should work harder. I could have make things possible if I wanted to. If I gave 30 for a B, why don't I just give 80 for a B+ or even possible A? But I do have to admit that events isn't an easy course to do. The modules choice aren't that simple. But if they are simple, they will be simple. I really hope that I can work hard!

I'm still looking for a job. haha! But I really want to do well. Cab motivated me! HAHA! Like she always did! haha! I don't know. I think she is my 贵人。 I don't know why I can this thinking. haha! I should be meeting up with Jyings soon. And I'm gonna get started for ACE! Maryln GOH GO GO!

I want to do well! I want to do well! I want to do well!I will work hard! I will work hard! I will work hard! I want to slim down!I want to slim down!I want to slim down!
I really want to 挥别颓废的日子！
I really want to 挥别颓废的日子！
I really want to 挥别颓废的日子！

You know! I can physically feel this fire lighted up in me again! haha! I'm so gonna read Econs lecture notes tonight to prepare for tomorrow! HAHA! I feel lousy currently because I'm not going for improvements. I sort of suddenly realise that if I'm too satisfied with the current, nothing will happen to me. I have to make things happen. It can be good now and I'm satisfied. However, I will still have to work harder, to make life better. If it's 10 now, I should try to make it 100, if it is 100, I should make is 1000. YES! I need to work hard! I have to work hard! I will work hard! I need the zest! I feel happy. This is how long since I really feel so deeply happy from deep in.

I am happy. This is what that matters most.

I was thinking about this question. What is the one word which will make me give up anyway else for? The answer is HAPPY. I will be selfish to be happy.

Maryln's train is going off. I am HAPPY! 3.5 here I come!!!!

My clever decision

2008-10-17T10:24:00.001-07:00

I feel so damn frustrated now because of work. I was never so frustrated and troubled for any work before.
BATA was my first job. I think I got cheated there because the pay was $3.30 per hour. QiuHan and I was just eager to get a job that we couldn't care less. Two weeks later, we decided to quit because it is
both too taxing for young girls like us. I was 14 then. The main reason was that we could take scoldings for the boss. I know I shouldn't be that...
After a long while, I haven't been working until selling guazi. Before selling guazi, I went to be a salesgirl at a clothes shop for one day. I love working in that shop because there's no stress at all. I enjoyed that
and I enjoyed looking for clothes and serving the people and folding the clothes. Then I went to Guazi, I admit that GuaZi is a tiring job, but it wasn't taxing for me mentally. I love working there with the
youngsters around. I feel that I belong there. I am part of the team and I'm not stressed up. So I never wanted to quit even though the working hours are bad and the pay is moderate. I felt happy working
there. Even though other factors are bad.
However, for this fosters job, I didn't feel happy at all. I got so stressed up over a little tiny thing. I really feel like quitting and I will be quitting. You can laugh at me or whatever. I know I said that I want to pull
through or what. But the truth is, I'm not happy and thats what that matters most. The worst thing is just for this stupid job, I can't sleep now. It troubles me so much so that it disturbs my sleep. WHY?! I will
look for a job in IMM, or Tiong Bahru. I seriously don't want to work in fosters anymore. I am stressed up mentally. I will quit tomorrow. I DONT CARE! I JUST WANT TO QUIT. I WILL MAKE USE
OF MY TIME TO LEARN SOMETHING. I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TO SPEND QUALITY TIME!
The problem is... How should I quit? HOW? Should I go for my work tomorrow? Or should I call him to tell him that I'm quitting? I really don't want to work in that place! The people scares me especially the
manager! I'm a person who takes things hard.
I can cry over solastri's scoldings even though that may be the 100th time. I get sense with what she says because it is true. I am not a brainless freak. I have my mind. So I want myself to be happy. I don't
want to care about what others might think about me!
I'll call fosters to tell steve that I will be quitting. I dont care! I am selfish! I am not responsible. I am self-centred. I only care about myself. I feel happy. I have come up with a conclusion of what I am going to
do. I am going to stay at home tomorrow and call steve @ 10.30 to tell him that I will not be going because I want to quit already. And I will be happy. I really feel lighter physically. A whole lot of weight
removed from me.
I don't even feel that unhappy when I was doing kampong! I felt transparent at the kampong event but I was happier! I think I should work in malls. Or I should ask Liwen to keep the tuition job for me and I
will commit my sundays? Anything is better than fosters! haha

Something past

2008-10-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm going to go out to work again.
It's 4.47 now and I'm leaving at 5 for my work at 6.
It's rainning outside. I have bad thoughts about going to work and I know they aren't healthy. I don't know why I'm like that. I know working is good for me but part of me is resisting it. I think the logical me says yes but the emotional me says no because I just want to slack which is not healthy for me. MARYLN GOH WAKE UP.
I think I'm being very bad for not trying at all. I just worked onced and I gave so many conclusions. Maybe I will grow to like the environment? I don't know. That is not a place that I belong. I know I don't belong there. But I don't want this to be my excuse for not working. I'll just stay before I find my next job. I feel so bad. I don't want to be so undetermined. I should set some goals for myself to reach out to a
target and pave a direction for myself.

GPA of 3.3

2 distinctions

3 As

2B+

This is too high for me? Well, aim for the sky at least you can reach the clouds. I think I have a better conclusion with me and work. I will work 3 days or less than 3 days a week. I think I will feel better this
way. HAHA! The manager says like don't work less than 10 days a month. Therefore, I conclude that as long as I'm within the safe range, I'm ok. So What?! I don't mind if they don't want me! haha.
There's nothing that I dislike about the task I do at work. But there's nothing I like too. Of all my jobs, I prefer the sales girl one at novena where I pack clothes and take clothes and do cashier. I think that's
fun. Actually, I'm fearful of the people interaction and I dislike the transport for this job. And the thing is, it is not an idiot job, you need to know how to be a waitress. You need to learn the menu and stuffs but
you don't need the knowlegde elsewhere. I sort of think that the learning is redundant to my daily life other than the job. I don't mind learning applicable things...
HA! maybe I'll love this job today? never know...
I CAN'T BELIEVE I grumbled so much about working at this job. Did I dislike my past jobs so much? HAHA! I have to get moving and this jobs gets me moving!!!!!!!!!
How can I ever leave out slimming down to my goals? haha!
---------------------------------------

That was what I typed in the afternoon. It is 11.11pm now and I'm already home from work. I think I sort of like my job when I am there. The amount of work is okay and balanced. It i just the transport and
location which I find more... It takes a long time for me to get home. I think I will even reach home earlier if I work at bugis. Ha~ I continue now only. I really wish that somebody can continue my fanfic for me. Haha~ I'm at love trickery. I went to watch a little of shinbi's sweet vengeance, coming to realise that how bad my story is!
She's like... OMG! all of them are good writers! But I can tell myself that I'm still young and all! haha
Let me just ignore work. I'm coming to terms to with myself working there. Bless me. I was reading this book that I borrowed. I really think minding your body is important. Your mind and your body have to
work together, this is inevitable.

Another personality test

2008-10-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

School Part 2

2008-10-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

I think the thing about me getting a job and having a job is no big news now. I think I haven't got the chance to clear all the things I have to do online because there are simply endless. I think I should most probably just do a list of things that Maryln have to do online.

I did some changes to my son and I like the new colour more. It is silver rather than blue now. I think my life seems to be a running train again since 13 october. I am just so alive and I'm doing so many things everyday. I got myself a job in fosters restaurant. I'm still not a permanent staff I guess. I actually hoped that they will quit me because I don't really like big working environments and boss presuure. However, on the other side, this seems to be an easy and 'workable' job with all other good points plus I think that I should do things that I don't like to myself so that I make myself stronger.

Pros and Cons of this job+ seemingly friendly people+easy job+short timing+good pay+in the west-big working environment-stress if I can't remember the menu and how the food look like and what if I commit mistakes? -no direct bus-uniform (I dont like to wear the uniform)
Well, it seems that it have got more pros. This is a good thing. I think I shall only quit if I found another job if possible. I'll just carry on with this job first until I finally found a better one. I'm not money hungry now. If I want to quit, I'll just put a lot of not free! haha!

Well, I like my new semester system. I dont know why but I like lectures in hall or 03 classrooms. I don' t like lectures in MICE maze and I don't like combine lectures with 04. I think I'm sort of prefer either big or small, more extremes. Hmm... I don't think I learn efficiently in those combined classes with 04 perhaps because I don't feel home.

We have new lecturers and old lecturers teaching us this semester. We got to know this new lecturer that I like and Patricia would use the verb respect to treat her in a sense. I think she got her own charisma because she got her own thoughts and a mind of her own. I think it is essential to form your own opinions even if you may not voice them out. There's more structure this time, more lessons feeling and I like that. The modules are also more events related. We're on track. EMC is like English but a more specific area of English.

Maryln's slack+slack+slack lesson time

Monday------8am-3pm***

Tuesday-------2pm-6pm

Wednesday---8am-12pm

Thursday------10.30am-12.30pm

Friday--------10am-5pm***

Saturday------none***

Sunday-------none(but I'll like to rest on this day)

I think I'll just work 2-3 days per week at least for the current time because I don't want to throw myself out to like. I think it's like taking small steps and nibbles. I was such a slacker. I think it is good for me to get my pay at the end of the month because I'll most probably spurlge all the money without knowing if I get them immediately. My target is to let my savings account hit $2000. I haven't been saving any money for the first half of the year. I use up the $300 I get every month and sometimes even exceed. I dont know where all my money go to! This is seriosusly bad.

Well.. I was just thinking... somebody said this line which daunts on me... It is not that I think that line is very meaningful or what, but I just got me thinking. 'I like changes'. Well, I heard and I said that change is the only constant before. Change is a constant. But I don't think I like general changes. I don't think anybody in this whole like changes. Just think, the changes said are assumed to be positive changes. Just imagine, what if all the changes are negative, what if they are disasters? Just picture, what will it be like if an unexpected change happens to our world everyday? I won't say that I like dislike changes. I like changes which are controlled. I like controlled changes whereby I have a choice to decide whether I'm going for the change or not. I hate to be impotent.

I just want to type more and blog more so that I can practice my English. Nevertheless, I truly want to blog. I think there're seriously an significant thing about me being about to blog. When I blog, it means that things are happening whether I am the one who made it happen or not. It is moving.

P.s. I lost my schedule book today and I hope it appears. I don't want to look for it because I believe that it will appear. This always happens to me. Things that I lost will appear by itself. I think I left it in T3A12. I dont think I have any secrets inside. But I like to record down my schedule and what I'm going to do on what dates. It makes me feel lost and I don't feel secured.

pictures

2008-10-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I got so pissed because my son restarted itself and I know it got virus but I don't know what I can do to solve the stupid virus problem. I'll be much happier with vista because I think I'm more in the control. I think with the sp system I'm going crazy. My son isn't as originale as it was already! angry!!!

I wrote a long sorry on this picture but I cant be bothered now.

That's peanut butter ice cream. I think it's not bad

The nerdy me... I just feel like wearing that skirt that day~

Pictures time

2008-09-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

Video filmed yesterday and edited today with yibaiwan song

boys over flower movie day

kampong pictures

yesterday...

Mcdonalds actually got mcflurry flavoured!

kampong days

2008-09-27T19:51:00.001-07:00

Well, I could have just gone to bed immediately but I chose to blog now when my memories of the event is still fresh and new. I like to do a reflection after every single event and I normally do this late in the middle of the night because events alway end late. Still the same, my legs are dying and my feet are dead.

I'm still a nobody in this event. The only event that I feel that I am a somebody was the Khatib and perhaps past interact club events. Well, I did play my part in this even though it may be so small and insignificant.

The best and privileged and worth it thing is that I managed to shake our Prime Minister's hand and I had an eye opener for how tight the security was. I was even more serious than WCS. They sent dogs to smell. They cordoned the area off. They sent sea guard to station at the pier! The common police force and metal entrance-exit is still there of course. Well, I didn't know that a simple event can have such tight security because he is the country important person. I pity him because I seriously think that there's no freedom and life. Well, this is his fate and I guess he's used to it too. Well, the shake hands part was seriously hilarious because none of us expected him to shake his hands with us. Our hello was also very stiff. Then, when he offered his hands, there was this 0.5 sec where Karol went 'empty' before she could actually react. When Kailiang took out his hands, I was wondering if I should and I did. Well, we are the lucky few because he didn't shake rest of the crew I guess.

I have so much emotions pouring over me. I seriously think '一山还有一山高！’ VIPS become non-VIPs when more important people are over them and they become normal to us already. SP's principal becomes normal when we had Khatib because the MP is bigger. Then now, the same MP is nothing because PM is bigger. Life is really weird. But there's sense to it. Well, and Maryln is still a nobody. Will I become a VIP one day?

I've still endless to comment. Although I'm a nobody, I did enjoy the event even though I really contributed very little. I think being a nobody helps me in future too. I learn from what I see with my vision. Manpower, logistics and etc are parts which we really need to take a lot of care. In terms of manpower, I really think we should emphasis a lot on this because we should always make efficient use of people and I think this is a basic respect with can give to them. I always feel that helpers are dehumanize. Well, not that helpers are dehumanize but not giving sufficient and suitable tasks are dehumanizing. As in, we should always respect people for what they are able to do and allow them to do. In a way, don't waste manpower. Wasting manpower dehumanizes. Yes, this is the right way to phrase it. I like being helpers for the experience.

Endless... hahaha..

smart english scandal

2008-09-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

I seriously feel so shit about all that happened at smart English!
I feel so crap!
www.smart52030.freeforums.org
www.smart52030.niceboard.net
I think one with eyes will be able to tell which one is better through the naked eye. We change for the better. We started this all out together as a family. And now, she feels that I’m wrong with the way I did the change. I’m wrong by not consulting everyone else before I made the decision to change the forum.

This is the thing that is wrong, the members and all that crap is just secondary. What I did wrong is to agree with Kathleen to go ahead with the idea without consulting the rest. But did she know that the website is already created before I actually know. She won’t even stand in my perspective to understand for me!

I already tell her about the information asap. I agree perhaps I’m wrong by not waiting for her before I mass mail. But excitement was overwhelming me to spread the good news! Or should I say that she’s just annoyed because she wasn’t informed for the new thing? I know that smart is a collective effort. Whatever, I already try to make things out with her.

I will still do my part. I can just ignore her! I still have smart Chinese to surf anyway. I don’t have to invite trouble to myself! WHY DID I HAVE TO INVITE TROUBLE?!

I just hope that all these will be over! I dont mind doing a 'public apology' to settle such irritating stuffs. I do admit that I'm wrong by not consulting everyone else. But I think I'm right to go with the idea. IRONIC! anyways, nobody was objective of it!

4E1 ROCKS

2008-09-17T03:28:00.001-07:00

I stole from CAB! hahaha~

I guess this is our first official class photo. We took this when the Thailand people came over to our class as exchange students.

This is when AHSENG have to leave us. He was our trainee teacher. And we celebrated his departure.

Our shinning red dot!

SpiderMAN movie~

Another MOVIE

graduation day

botechnic garden

Prom night

Qiuhan's departure

One form pic!

Well there're definitely more gatherings , more movies and etc we went together...

another big mama and death note... etc... hahaha!!! 4E1, a class full of memories neh!!!!

GRADES

2008-09-17T03:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I was looking at cab’s blog post about her education journey in a way and I got tempted to do it also! Haha!

I was from a kindergarten and I changed my kindergarten. As in, I switch kindergarten even though I didn’t move house. I switch from a closer kindergarten to a further one. Weird right? And I graduated from my kindergarten.

Then, I went to my primary school. I went to Fuhua Primary School another neighborhood school. Well, my mom wanted to send me to Yuhua but I wanted Fuhua because both my sisters went to that primary school. I thought I will be best if I follow. Well, I’m not an outstanding student although I always wanted to become one. I realized that I was quite attention seeking then. Then, it was a change over for me when I went to primary 5 and 6 because I started blooming in a sense. There were times when I did well and all.

And I did my PSLE with an above average score for my school.

Secondary school was soo much different. I think I did live my secondary life to the fullest. I didn’t really like my lower sec class but my upper sec class rocks rocks rocks! Yes! 4E! rocks!!!! I managed to become 9th in level in sec 1 and 3rd in level in sec 2. Sec 3 and 4 was the real thing. I was one of the better ones in my class. And my class really has got a lot a lot of class spirit. I seriously think that 4E1 can have a 4e1 book! Well… then I was one of our school’s ‘scholar’, it is actually super easy to be scholar in our school! Hahaha!

Then I got admitted to DPA and….

And now….. HAHAHAA!!! FINALLY GOT MY FIRST SEM’S GRADE! I think I’m okay already and I’m satisfied.

Singapore Polytechnic 2008/2009
S1 Examination Results
Student ID: 0800028
Name: GOH HUI ZI MARYLN

Module Code - Credit Unit - Grade ---------------------------------

BE2504(IT Applications) - 4 - A
SP0101 (C Dep.) - 2 - DIST
BE2506 (Events experience) - 3 - DIST
BE2502 (Constructions) - 4 - B
BE2503 (Materials) - 4 - B
BE2505 (Drawing) - 4 - B
SP0102(IDEAS) - 2 - B+
BE2501 (LAW) - 3.5 - D+

SEMESTER GPA: 3.179
CUMULATIVE GPA: 3.179

ALLOWED TO CONTINUE IN THE COURSE

- This email is for notification purpose and not an official copy of the examination results.
- This is a computer generated email. Please do not reply to it.

I think I can’t be a lawyer! I studied most for law! GOSH! I was quite surprised by Events experience actually. I thought I will get a B+, but I GOT DISTINCTION! I’m happy for drawing coz I thought I will get C. I’m disappointed with Materials, VERY DISAPPOINTED in fact! Constructions…. Sort of expected…

I seriously think I'm a very AABB person. I seldom see C. This is my first D in my life. Not really first D but first D that will go into record kind of thing. I don't like it! D D D D D D D D

But I think I'm lucky...

Forums + Events

2008-09-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

Actually I always wanted to change the hosting web from Smart English but I didn’t because I’ll be all by myself to do everything. And I know Yupki will be against it. I didn’t want to provoke her or anything. But I really like shouting at her face sometimes because she didn’t really do anything. I don’t mind paying for SMART too! I’m glad that Kathleen is with me to help out with the new one. I’m asking more bilingual people to help out. I’m really glad for loco because she’s there to console me. The admins panel is soo much better now!

But I guess we won’t open to the ‘rest of the world’ until it is done. I didn’t know running a forum can be so tedious. I guess it is my mindset. I think that it is tedious that’s why it is tedious. I’m sooo not done with the kampong events because I seriously have no idea where to get the ingredients. I went to get the board with Pat yesterday at Art Friend.
I still can’t find the right wrapper for the tikam sticker! I think I’m asking Karol to make the powerpoint for the lyrics since I’ve already typed everything from the pictures.
I HATE TIKAM! Hahaha!

Yoshinoya dinner

We went swensens after that because I wanna eat icecream! I love that MerriMint! I think I order that everytime!

I’m a good kisser because I can tie a note with my tongue! Hahaha! Pro right?

The sarcastic smile!

UNDONE

2008-09-15T04:02:00.000-07:00

Well… I’m starting to have more things to do now and I do enjoy the filling up feel. But I don’t like it when I still have a lot to do and I can feel that ‘a lot’ to do now. But I’m glad that I’ve finish part of it. I’ll go shopping for the ‘ingredients’ tomorrow. I’m a little stressed. But this is really nothing. This is just a teeny weeny job! But why am I feel so overwhelmed by it. I still have a week to do and I’m already done with typing all lyrics. (I never ever typed so many Malay words my entire life!)

Do a list

- Check out the exams results on wed
- get ingredients for tikam (A2 cardboard + red paper)
- design the banner top
- design the prizes cardboard
- do the powerpoint for lyrics
- cut, paste and write the tikam

Well, I can actually share that with Karol but she’s not back yet. I think I’ll just do whatever now. I just took one hour to look for the pictures to design the banner top and I do even finish looking for the pictures. AH! Actually, these are nothing but it just pisses me when I can’t finish my job. I feel so irritated with things left undone. I think I’ll just finish the lyrics ppt tonight. I really feel a little pissed when the angbao is too plain for the tikam, because it will be so much easier for me if the angbao is suitable.

I have this choke in my throat because I have this undone. It is occupying my brain and I don’t like it but I have no choice but to think of it all the time! AHHHHHHH

Ham between the burgers

2008-09-15T03:48:00.001-07:00

I am really a little terrible for being at neither side. I won’t say that he’s right because he splurge unreasonably. I know that she has her own disbursements. But can’t she be more considerate. I know it pains to cut some of her meat. But her groaning and moaning has made it irresponsible for her if she don’t realize that she should contribute too. He didn’t ask much from us, so why can’t she be more considerate. He won’t ask if he can do it but he can’t. This is why he is asking. I can’t accept her groaning. She just doesn’t understand how she should fulfill her role as a X. I am X too. If I were her, I won’t be so naggy about it. Just go straight to the bottom line, she’s selfish. If she don’t realize, she’s self-centred. I know she’s not so to me. But she is to him. She doesn’t regard him as one of us. I think that to her, her family is just very little. I’m growing to be unsure of who she is anymore. What’s the point of moaning when things are already the way they are. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. I told you the alternative. You could have done a 50%. But you chose to do what you did okay! You have a choice!

CRAMPS!

2008-09-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

Well…
This is second day. I was still groaning and moaning about having not enough mens. Thank you! I got a lot now and it is cramping my stomach! I even cancelled the meeting at school today! It hurt so much can! I feel like screaming already! So what! I think it is because my muscles there are not ‘seasoned’ to the contracting and expanding of the uterus mucles to let the blood lining out. Am I revising my Bio? I think maybe I should take o levels every 5 year to keep my brain alive and working. HAHAHA! I suppose it is called uterus and not some other weird terms because I can’t remember any more other than uterus. AH!!! Pissed off by myself… I like mens but I don’t like cramps. I feel fortunate to have cramps anyway because at least it is here. Haha

Wordy + picturey

2008-09-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven’t been blogging words for quite awhile. And I’m going to do so NOW!

First thing to announce, after two months and plus time, MARYLN GOH finally come that thing already! It is really so long that I can’t remember when I last come can?! I come one day after I eat BaiFengWan. I know it sounds pervert-ic but I really feel happy and excited when I see a lot of X in my pad. HAHA~ Sorry if anyone feels grossed. You will understand it if you miss your period. I really thought I’m pregnant or something! I swear that I’m a pure virgin but I will still think, like what if… And I sound like I’m pregnant because Celine will say “you don’t need to choose pad” or “look at the diapers or powder formula” kinda thing. My period proves that I’m still one person in one body. Frankly speaking, I wonder how it like is to be pregnant. Just imagine a life in your body, your child and your soul. I really want to be a mother one day. Despite of my fears, I really want to try to be a mother. I want to become a mother before 35. If I’m not married, I think I’ll get go to some sperm bank! Haha~

Well, I was reading maomaojie’s blog today when I feel a lot of her. She’s a scriptwriter for idol dramas. She wrote a lot of idol dramas that you and I may have watched but none of us know that it is actually her who wrote it. I was touched by what she blogged about. She’s a thinker. There’s actually something that dawned on me is that we actually take note of such backstage people out of curiosity for our idols and when the cat kills our curiosity, we conclude that we like our idols and say bye bye to backstage people. It is not an easy task to be a backstage people. It is more of the flower and leaves theory. But I don’t like it when the grasses and weeds claim that they are leaves because they aren’t even part of the plant. I respect her.

I read papers for the past few days because I want to look for a job so that I can get money to splurge and be extravagant. There’s this MIND YOUR BODY sections which has an article that writes about Dreams VS Reality. Is reality dream? Or is dream reality? It mentions of several poems that is related and I was thinking about it. Are we living in reality? Are we living in dreams? If we are now is defined as reality, then what are dreams? Hmm… Well… I don’t want to say too much on this or I’ll be freaked out by my own theories. I’m always freaked out by myself like I-am-the-real-me thing.

Pictures… I realized this have become quite a pictury blog and I don’t really like that. But I don’t want to waste pinkba too! Haha

I went out with Ace Team this Tuesday, we were supposed to eat steamboat but we didn’t in the end. I want to eat!!!! GOSH! Jyings, purdey, Huifang?! When you free? did you go yesterday? GOSH!

Liwen

Tim says that I slimmed down but I don’t think so. It made me happy though, I clipped my fringe up and I thought it looked weird. Haha

I was actually thinking how I should give it to her. Well, she solved it by talking about presents. Hehe~ But I brought it home again because I was left in my bag! We ate at that White Jap Restaurant in CityLink. I think it is cheap. $10 per person, I ate pasta and she ate some very delicious waffle with ice-cream.

Pat and Me at Carrefour looking for 85% dark chocolate, it was quite funny to see how she had to scream ‘chocolate’ at me before I actually hear her say ‘chocolate’.

My very-motivated-to-slim-down face. I really wish I can slim down but I don’t put effort into it and I know it! I feel damn bad!

We were sitting in SurfnTurf in Funan after we got tired. I seriously think we’re cheated. Don’t ever eat the mudpie there! It is so… I should have went to swensens instead. I’m craving for root beer float.

Us sitting at cityhall Mrt singing random songs for 1 hours. This is a free karaoke and nobody actually bothered about us. We really sang there! But nobody throw coins at us. Hahaha~

Yellow

2008-09-10T04:55:00.001-07:00

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.
I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called yellow.
So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow.
Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all yellow,
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all yellow.
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know for you,
Id bleed myself dry for you,
Id bleed myself dry.
Its true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

The video!!!!

2008-09-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'll try to make a better view version once I have the time to. Actually, I should say once I feel like! I was saying that 4E1 might as well debut a "memoirs of 4E1". The book should be around "Memoirs of Lee Kuan Yew" thick! hahaha~ We really did alot alot alot!!! HMM... In the end can see me in my pyjammy can! hahaha

I like 03! I was saying that nobody gives lecturers presents and I think we are the only class! haha!

My dhoby days

2008-09-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

I went out with Jyings, Purdey and Huifang yesterday. Well, it was more of Jying’s church gathering and I tagged along kind of thing. Frankly speaking, I’m a devoted Buddhist. I think it is weird for a person my age to be a devoted Buddhist. I don’t know why I believe so much in Buddhism but I really do. There’re too many that come true for me. Though, regardless of what religion it is, I think there is a lot of wisdom in the sayings that comes with the beliefs. For instance, they were talking about vision yesterday. Without vision, humans perish. I think this is what that is said in the bible. I have to say that I don’t have a definite vision. Or should I say that my vision is too simple to be a vision? I like what I’m doing now. The current situation is already my vision. HAHAHA

Well, I was bombarding Huifang with a lot a lot a lot of 4E1 memories! Hahaha! I seriously think we went through a lot a lot a lot as a class! We have so many people leaving us. We went through thick and thin. We quarreled. Everything you can think that a class did together, we did! I stole all class pics from cab. CAB, jying stole too! HAHAHA! I LOVE 4E1.

-----------------------------------------

That was blogged yesterday morning. I went out with Liwen yesterday… Well… I guessed that they went out. It is just that I shut up. Wait for them to tell me only, at least they still got liang xin.

HAHAHA! I really don’t know how to resize the pictures with my cam so I always use photo shop to resize! Argh! And I dunno how to make a ppt a video so I did the manual way by taking it with my pinkba then I make a video with Windows movie maker. I think I’m an idiot proof person. The lightings and everything for the video is really bad. But at least it is a video! Hahaha!

Pictures time!

Jyings and I

Purdey and Huifang

Purdey’s new hairdo

Sakae Lunch

Food…

Mango Salmon roll

My weird expression

Mochi…

Lemme ZiLian! I wanted to photo shop my pimples actually.

Tongue like mochi

Bs

2008-09-02T04:21:00.000-07:00

I feel good to be on track for my new Fanfic. I’m writing two fanfics simultaneously and I wish to finish the Chinese one first. This is not the main point. The main point of this blog post is that I’ve derived with the 5 Bs of a ‘successful’ woman.

Brains
Boobs
Butt
Bitchiness
Bimbo-ness

Hahaha~ I think there’re more.

I think I need to measure messages properly. I can't differentiate whether somethings are meant to be secrets or not because I think everything is very open. I don't really keep my own secrets but I help to keep secrets.

where rainbow ends book reflection

2008-08-30T05:56:00.001-07:00

It freaks me out sometimes. I just wanna blog a little because I feel a little. I like to concentrate on one thing at a time. In other words, I can’t multi-task. It irritates me when I’m disturbed when I’m engrossed with the book. I screamed at I read and…

I officially announce that my hand phone (angangno1) is a PAGER!

Since I don’t bother about it especially when I’m at home and I don’t answer phone calls. Don’t worry if it takes forever to contact me because it happens to everyone. I saw so many miss calls from practically everyone when I look at my phone.

There’re so much that I wanted to blog about in my course of reading. I can’t believe I actually feel teary and cried over what that Miss casey says. Well I feel so full! My reflections for the story are simply choking me up!

Thank god I have now finally and officially finished reading WHERE RAINBOW ENDS. I didn’t like the form of the story, which is in letters and emails but I loved the plot. I feel damn angry at Rosie and Alex. They loved each other, so what’s wrong with telling each other! Why wait until you’re fifty! You control your own life, if Alex bothered to take more initiative. He could have been together in their teens. If I were Rosie, I will seriously ask. I bet I will. Despite how shy I am, I will ASK! I’m still pissed at the story. The plot irritates me. But I have to tell myself: ‘it is better late than never!’ I guess this applies to the couple.

The phrase that I remember most in this book is “home is not a place, home is a feeling.” This gets me thinking. I agree with this a lot. Home will never be home if I don’t have my parents and siblings with me. As I read on the story, the thing that touches me most is the love from the parents to children. ‘Unconditional love’ is the phrase that I read in both books. Do parents really give children unconditional love? I read an article saying that parents do want something in return and some parents even see children as an investment. I don’t think my parents see us as investments because they never ever wanted anything from me. When I gave my parents red packet this year because I work during Chinese New Year, my dad gave me more money and my mom too.

I was thinking of how blessed I am with my parents after I read that book. This was because Rosie’s dad and mom died. The mom died in money not enough yesterday too. I simply can’t imagine that my parents might and will leave me one day too. I don’t believe in myself to be able to take the nightmare of my mom or my dad leaving me. I wanted to blog about the little things that my mom does for me when I saw the tissue in my bag. I feel so damn touched because there are many things that I am old enough to be able to do it myself but my mom will just do it for me whether conveniently or not. I think I took a lot of her help for grant. Waking me up when I’m late. Charging my phone battery for me. Putting tissues into my bag. Unpacking my bags for me. Packing my room for me. Washing my clothes for me. Tidying my bed for me. Drying my umbrella for me. Getting dinner for me if I need. (I’ll prefer it more if she cooks, but apparently, she doesn’t.) Well, I have to leave out the fact of ‘throwing away things for me’ because everyone who knows my mom will know she always has this craze over throwing things away. I think I’m really blessed with good shelter.

I feel like shouting out FREAK FREAK FREAK! It sounds so much more polite than F***. And it achieves the same effect to relieve myself. I just don’t like the way the story it. I feel like killing Sally, Bethany and Greg. But I know they are innocent, in fact, I find them victims. It is Alex and Rosie’s fault for not being responsible enough for their own relationship. I think the three victims can feel it. They know if their partners love them or not. Love is a feeling. Limerence is reality. I think one day. I might like my future whoever to say ‘I limerence you, will you marry me?’ hahaha! I sound totally stupid when I was talking about it. But thinking back, it is realistic and practical. I always liked to be practical, realistic and feasible.

Yesterday was another day

2008-08-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I resized all the pictures with photoshop. I think i need to find a way to make my pictures smaller using my camera. You know 8 megapixels? hahaha! SUPER PROUD OF PINKBA!

That day when we were studying

So serious neh?

I dont want to study~~~

That pierced tongue... I dunno why I'll play with my tongue when I see that piercing. HAHAHA~

My mom and I, I was forced.

Zhenzhen and I waiting for liwen.

Them at SUBWAY

The big big big subway sandwich. Everything except olives. I like honey oat, cold cut trio, olives pickles and tomatoes and lastly sweet onion.

Ending Eternality

2008-08-29T05:17:00.000-07:00

It is teachers’ day today. I wanted to go back because I thought I was Monday. But it is today and I planned to go out with ZHEN and LIWEN. My soul wasn’t there for them. I was supposed to spend ‘quality time’ but I ended up wandering off to somewhere I don’t know. I don’t really like it. I bought a pair of shoes and two books. One of the books is a secret and another is WHERE RAINBOW ENDS. I’ve been saying that I want to buy this book since donkey time but I got it only now. I read 5 chapters on the bus and I seem promising. There are other books by Cecilia Ahern which I think I’ll be reading. I think there’s this thing about me. I like to follow things in my rigid rules and cycle but I’ll do some change to excite myself. I hope I can finish this book tomorrow and I’ll go library on Sunday.

I don’t like the feeling of bottling myself up. I hate the feeling of hiding. But I have to because I think there’s no one which I can really trust anymore. Trust exists right? I won’t say that I don’t trust you, it is just that the level with I can expose myself too seems to be revised subconsciously. If you think that I’m talking about you. Ask yourself that did I given entrust any trust to you? Trust needs to be earned. I didn’t want this to happen. Where had the nakedness gone to? I don’t want things to turn out this way; I don’t want myself to think this way. I guess thoughts can’t be controlled. From the moment you lied to me, you should expect all these coming. You invited it. The silence was deafening.

I watched Money not enough. I won’t say that it is a good movie because I think Jack Neo didn’t control the flow of the movie very well. There were parts which I think my emotions had to change too quickly. He didn’t allow time for the blending of the emotions. I cried. I cried when the mom passed away and Jack's wife snatches the blood. Jack Neo didn’t portray a good image of humanity. Sometimes, I seriously don’t understand why people watch his mockery, laughing at us. The people whom Jack Neo is mocking at are nobody but us. WHY? I watch because I wanted to watch a movie and I want to see how this film will be like. Even though I anticipated the mockery...Perhaps we should take all these in our stride and do what we can to make ourselves better beings.

I will beg to differ if one thinks that this movie has a happy ending. Is this a happy ending? I hate the Jack wife and daughter most. The three sons are worst. Why say that others force you when you yourself took the initiative to execute it? Nobody forces you but yourself. If you were to reject to something, nobody in this world can ever force you. You are the one who did the things. You are responsible for what you do. I think I have a lot of emotions after I watch a movie or read a book. When I see those stories, I will make connections. Then, I’ll link it back to myself. Perhaps it is all wrong from the beginning. Where and when is the start and end? WHY!

Me and pat

2008-08-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

I realised after pinkba is born, I started to take alot alot alot of pictures and this is all with Patricia. WHY NOT SOME HANDSOME! I need to open a me and pat folder! LOL! I think I neglected my angangno1 so I took some pictures with it.

CENSORED BECAUSE CONFIDENTIAL

This is such a life post! But I know some people(ZHENZHEN) likes to read about life post and pictures. So... I'll post PICTURES!

loading...

loading...

I really wonder who can still see my blogs... Is everyone that clever enough? haha

Lemme have this grading system while it loads.

If you can see, you are one grade clever.

If you can read, you are two grade clever.

If you read and get some meaning, you are three grade clever.

If you read and you understand, you are four grade clever.

If you read and you think I'm shit, you are not clever! haha

If you read and you think I have wisdom, you are ROCKET HIGH CLEVER! As clever as Hagen daz in icecream circle.

Well, I went walking around city hall with Pat and these are the pictures. I got so super tired that day. I think I have my lil cycle that I will follow. Hahaha

This was picture from the previous one~ I think this really looks like the tofu is delicious! And it is! I'm craving for it already!!!! My make-up looks natural right! prettty face!

this is called frankenstein mudpie! this is super delicious! Especially the icecream. well...
disclaimer on the menu:weight watchers watch out!
my reaction: DONT CARE LAH!

HAHAHA! me eating AGAIN!

What kind of idiot face is this. She ate some mango burger!

I cant believe she really pierced her TONGUE! Well, like what she say, we should just judge people with like just piercing and all. This is interests and 'art'. We should generalise in a sense, not really generalise because... I'm lost for words. But I dont think we should think that people with pierces are AHLIANS~ I was telling her she dont look clever with that pierce! lol.

My sis say I dont look fat here~ I got 抓角度can? HAHAA!!

Night scenery!

COLOR EXCHANGEABLE EVENT VENUE! I think can organise some mini concerts here~ We saw several event venues that we never knew it's existence. I think we're so eventy. haha

May GOD COVER UP MY FATS! GOSH! It is like sooooo fat!

I look so innoccent can? haha!!!! SO ERXIN! haha

Unglam+emo?!

FAITH

2008-08-28T03:33:00.001-07:00

Is it my paranoia or it is the truth? I know it and I feel it. You may not want to tell me the truth but by deceiving me, you are deceiving yourself. Did I lose the trust I once had in you? Even if I do, you made it happen. I will understand that you have your difficulty because I know how you feel towards us. But you know how painful it is for me when you lie to me? I rather you tell me the truth. Even if the truth is painful for me, I won’t want you to lie to me at all.

Paranoia? I believe in what I heard and my speculations. I know they are accurate. I know it. I’m alone again in this room of mine. I don’t want to emo. I haven’t been blogging in Chinese for sometime. Btw, I’m done with my exams. It seems so insignificant because I wasn’t even in the exam mode/mood. I don’t feel like blogging anymore. I feel so sick every time this idiot overwhelms me. Why am I suspicious? I guess it is my problem. I hope it is my problem. I wish it is my problem. I seriously don’t want to lose faith in you because you mean a lot to me.

That Events thing is coming again. Looking at what I’m responsible for makes me feel sick too. I don’t feel like saying. I think I’m losing the mood to do a lot of things. Should I go back to Tanglin? I miss the girls. I miss the other group too. See how! Irritating!

A late post

2008-08-28T03:17:00.001-07:00

I am supposed to be studying that this current moment but I got super irritated by what my mom was saying. My mom didn’t tell me about that. There’s this aunt of mine who disapproves me of going to poly. I seriously don’t understand why she must be so not open. I seriously can tolerate people who are mentally blind. They are just not wise enough to see things and understand things. They are so rigid and so closed down in their own rigid ways. And again, this is about doing the thing right and doing the right thing.

This is going to be my future and I am going to decide what I think is best for myself. Never did I regret going to poly. I might excel better in JC because I am typical student kind. However, I love poly. I love the way poly works. I don’t like the rigid system in JC. JC is already losing ‘popularity’. Whatever she says isn’t affecting me, it is just that I feel pissed with the mental blindness of people not being able to see things. You don’t have to realize or observe them immediately, but at least you analyze it!

Sometimes, I really think that people are not given brains. Even if they are given brains, they make the brain that ‘god’ gave them useless. You have a brain THINK, ANALYSE and PROCESS! I don’t think I have made any friends who can’t think so far. If I were to make any friends that pisses me off like that, I will probably shout that the person. YAH! I do, our Miss Leong ZHENZHEN there thinks that I think too much. She has a brain, she thinks but she prefers not thinking but I know she can and she’s open and she knows.

I feel blessed that Pat thinks too and I guess it is more than me. In fact, she’s faster and more confident in her thoughts too. YAH! I just remembered a ‘friend’ who is rigid in her own ways too! A ‘friend’, I wont say she don’t think, it is just that she THINK the wrong way. I think I’m always blessed with good people around me.

I don’t think I make a lot of friends, as in my circle of friends aren’t big, you can just look at my Friendster number. I do make friends more than the Friendster amount actually. Haha. But I guess there’s always a person that I can turn too, I suppose. Do I?

Frustrations

2008-08-24T18:13:00.001-07:00

This was what I blogging in Microsoft word yesterday…

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel very paranoid and I don’t like people to disturb me. I don’t like crowds. I just like peace and quietness. I like that kind of tranquil. I think if I go on like this I might just get 老人痴呆症. I have not been blogging in Chinese for a long time. I guess I blog in Chinese when I feel poetic because I don’t write English poems or rather I can’t.

I think I need to open myself up. I thought I’ m opened and I have not reserved myself. I guess my opinions for this changed because I could almost feel the solidity of something that I’m holding back but I don’t know what it is.

I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me now. I feel so paranoid and so irritated but I just don’t know why! I don’t want to study because I know I will doze off. This is why I’m… Can I scream? Sorry but I just want to scream!(edited and censored so that somebody wont think the wrong way) I’m just human too.

Personality Name test

2008-08-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

There’re quite a lot of personality tests and stuffs going on. I don’t really trust such tests because I think my character shouldn’t be limited to what it tells me but more of what I think I should be and what I really am. Though, no harm trying out~ hahaha

I saw from Cab’s blog what maryln’s means…
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

This is what Goh Hui Zi Maryln means…

What Goh Hui Zi Maryln Means

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.

You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.

But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Hmm... I guess this is true to some extend. I do agree that I am a lucky person. Happy-go-lucky? Am I even that happy?

aftermath of reading a book

2008-08-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

Blogging is definitely essential to me especially after I finishing reading a book. To be frank, I didn’t really finish the book because I was obeying the ‘rules’ that we are supposed to follow while reading a book. The book has got 48 chapters and I skipped to read Chapter 48 when I was reading Chapter 44. I was eager to know the ending so I decided that I should just skip.

This book is supposed to be a Romance I guess. I have no craze over any genre of books but I find myself reading Romance most of the time. Are books of the romance genre junk books? I don’t really think so actually. But I have to admit that we learnt for ‘things’ through more ‘educational’ books. I like the book I just read. I guess it is ages since I last read like this. This book that I have just read is “my best friend’s girl’ by Dorothy Koomon. I’ll give a brief summary about what this story is about. It starts from the narrator’s birthday when she receives her ‘best friend’ letter telling her that she’s going to die soon and pleads the narrator to visit her in the hospital. In the hospital, she ‘suggested’ to the narrator that she wants her to take care of her one and only daughter. How was that daughter created? This daughter was made by the narrator’s fiancé and best friend. This was why they didn’t contact each other for long and all that ties severing crap. Her friend died. She ‘adopted’ her daughter. Then, she met this new guy who’s good to her. Meanwhile, she discovers about the past and she had to face that fiancé whom she parted a few years back. Then, she was sandwiched between them and all. I realize I can’t really describe the story that well.

I developed a lot of emotions in my entire reading journey. I cried. I don’t think I’m a teary person because I believed that I’ve grown to be stronger. I last cried when she left. I didn’t expect tears either. I haven’t been crying about ‘stories’ for very long. I know that they are not real because this is not reality at all. This is why I could laugh that the stupidity of ‘sky of love’. It wasn’t exactly stupid, just that I could simple predict how the story will go. Despite how terribly people around the cinema cried, I was still able to laugh at that stupid plot. This time I actually cried for the death of the friend. I guess it is because I was relating. It was that kind of fear that people have when one have to part actually emo-ed me. Where will people actually go in their afterlife? I know the existence of spirits because ‘aunty’ exists. One day, I don’t know when, I will become a spirit too. Will anyone cry for me? Will I want them to be miserable over my death? HOW? WHY? WHEN? WHAT? WHERE? There are just endless trains of questions that flash through my mind and it never stops going.

The female narrator feels alive to me because the way the author described her didn’t make her very fairytale. She will still be distracted by things and she will just have those evil thoughts I will say. This is how humanity truly is. Every single one of us is deemed to have evil thoughts and I have evil thoughts myself. This is why I think that those FATED TO LOVE YOU crap isn’t true at all. THAT is really crap crap crap. I watch idol dramas too. But I will think that it is just fairytale in lalaland. I will have to admit that DBY and WWL was different to be. DBY was different because evilness existed in that story in every single character. WWL was more lalaland type. This is why I like DBY more.

However, I won’t think anyone in this whole wide world will be as ‘big-hearted’ as the narrator. If I were her, I won’t even visit my friend in the hospital. I know it wasn’t anyone’s fault but I just can’t take the disloyalty. Yes! I hate and I abhor and I detest disloyalty especially if it was from a friend. I can take disloyalty from guys but not girls. In my perspective, girls are made to be more loyal scientifically and character-wise while guys aren’t. Yes, you may say this is a free world and we should be open to ideas but I just can’t take disloyalty in any way. Maybe I will for love, if I truly love the person.

There are simply too much for me too think about in this world.

Me and Pictures

2008-08-22T20:03:00.000-07:00

THIS SUPER LIFESTYLE POST IS DEDICATED TO ZHENZHEN WHO THINKS THAT MY LONG WORDY POSTS ARE BORING!不是我要想太多，而是因为不过不想，我会觉得。。。很肤浅＋觉得自己在骗自己～

I went shopping with Pat yesterday and we bought a lot of stuffs! I seriously think that we have occupied a lot of each other’s time this year! I don’t want this to be an emo post, so I guess I’ll just post pictures of my current life...

We went Kinokuniya because I felt that I have to read. I wanted to take some pictures so that i can get Celine to buy. I didnt want to spend money. Since Celine will buy books, why don't I just get her to buy. Anyway, I bought a book because it was cheap.

I bought this because it is really cheap, just $14 for a book! I started reading the first few chapters and I think is is gonna be good!

This is WHERE RAINBOW ENDS by the author of PS I LOVE YOU. I wanted to read this long ago. This is another lovely dovey fairytale. I think that author likes such stories~ haha~

There are a few other which I think may be nice.

Celine says she saw one of them... So... Maybe she might get..hahaha

I bought Celine's Birthday Present too. I wanted it for myself. But since i haven got her any present... So I might as well give her...

We went bugis first... Because of the Traffic, we decided to move backwards until an empty MRT. But we decided to eat smelly toufu... We went XingZai and saw this vin house opposite. A VERY SPECIAL PLACE!

The signature board...

Me and Toufu!

On our way home... Pardon me for that pair of ugly eyes..

At foodcourt 自恋－ｉｎｇ．　hahaha

Jus some pics last week...

When we were doing our last min mugging...

The pair of pretty left legs....

Some pictures are just not proportionate because I resized them...

I'm not flirty

2008-08-20T19:24:00.001-07:00

I did this test http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx and these are the descriptions. I find it true except the flirty part! I'm soooo not flirty plus there's nobody for me to flirt around. Our class is a girls class with 4 jiemeis! Where's the people for me to flirt? hahaha~

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

RA DISASTER

2008-08-20T04:59:00.001-07:00

I shall not cry over spilled milk. Moreover, I may not have spilled the milk. Law was just disastrous. I can’t imagine that I aspire to be a lawyer once. That was when I’m suppose to write an essay on who I want to be when I grow up. Forget Forget Forget. Nobody is giving me pressure. My parents sort of don’t care about my studies already. They leave it all those me! Speaking of my parents, I simple can’t imagine what they actually did. My mom called me to fix some dvd thing for my dad and her. When it was fixed, I just look up to see if it was fine. I didn’t really know what it was. Then, my mom told me to get out because it is something that I’m not supposed to watch and she went haha.

WHAT?! I just can’t imagine that my dad and my mom watch RA together in their room. IT IS JUST YUCK! What’s worse is that they are my parents! GOSH! i’ll stop blogging today. I am not feeling very comfortable and I don’t know why.

GOALS!

2008-08-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

haha~ CAB, perhaps you are right?
My life is so slack.
There's like no reason for me to piang you know? hahaha

I set some targets for myself.
I think targetting works.
I was looking at how i aimed for my o levels and I find it useful

Materials----------------A
Construction------------B+
Drawing and Design-----C
Law--------------------B
IT applications---------A
Character Dep---------B+
Event Experience------B+
Is this very high? But I guess I just to get GPA of 3.2 to ensure me into dip plus.

Exams! CAN ANYBODY READ MY BLOG?

2008-08-19T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm just curious whether you can still read it after I switched it. I like this white words. They make me feel comfortable.
------------------------------------------

I seriously feel like shouting because I can’t concentrate on studying. I seriously think I changed a lot from Secondary School to Poly. I was never those who can hug the books because of my short attention span. Though, I will always ensure that I know and study at least the day before exams. I can’t believe that I’m having my exams tomorrow and I haven’t started and I haven’t even went through the first round of revision! I was reading Cab’s blog when I finally come to think of my journey in life. What have I done these seventeen years of life? Has it all gone to waste? Time flies.

I HAVE TO GET STARTED! I don’t know why I feel like a different me when I’m blogging in different languages. It just feels so different as if one of them isn’t me. I miss the way I worked hard for O levels. I believe that you may not succeed if you work hard, but if you don’t work hard, you will never succeed. However, some people achieve success without hard work, don’t they? Or perhaps I should say the amount of hard work one has to commit is different as compared to the others in order to achieve success. Do I make sense? I suppose. I want to work hard to get what I want!!!

Just another matter before I get started! I was actually thinking of doing other jobs other than events. I’m not even 1 year old in this industry and I wanted to switch? I was thinking of being an author or a translator. I love events, I really do. I guess I’m not trying to hypnotize myself by saying it. Though, I acknowledge the fact that mastering more languages is useful to me in the events industry. I sound like MR CHIN do I? His signature “in the events industry…” I really want to do well. I hope I fail nothing. I’ll just have to encourage myself that even if I didn’t do well this time round, I can always try again for the subsequent semesters.

past posstts

2008-08-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

I was reading my blog a week ago and I realized that I used to have many childish thoughts. I used to describe my feelings with food. Actually, I can still do it now. I think food can also be a form of communication. I feel shrimp now. I used to have very maryln personalized expressions like “I left my brain in the fridge.” I wonder why I said. It is just so weird! Why fridge out of all hundred donkey places? Perhaps I had something with the fridge? Well, I do agree that I left my soul at home sometimes. I will say that my soul is not in my body. Not really my soul, but my mind. My mind flew away very frequently.

I was more open about people reading my blog. I will just scold the person I dislike and even name the names. In contrast, I have grown to be more reserved now. “If I hate you, and I blog it, don’t be sad/angry because you choose to read it.” I seriously can’t believe that I was so mean before. I seriously want to apologize to the people I hurt so deeply.

Moreover, I realized that I had revealed my favorite password in my EX posts as a secret code. Definitely, how can I ever forget my xman? He was my blogging topic. I moved on from there. I won’t feel that much for xman anymore. He left me memories, both good and bad ones. I puppy loved him so secretly. Did I regret? I don’t think so. But I’d rather keep my good impressions of him.

Another incident which I blogged and now read about which still manage to impress me is the “POCKY” joke! Super funny! This story is about me telling virgie why you wanna eat purdey’s POCKY. This innocent line was mistaken by Jin Woon who thought I said that Virgie wanna eat PD’s POK* . (that vulgar word) I can almost imagine how I reacted. These are memories, vivid ones that I will laugh for the rest of my life? Perhaps.

YAH! I can’t imagine I actually said something like “Every single inch of me bled endlessly?” This is like so… EEEEEIIIIIiiiii, I think I should seriously not exaggerate things. I was an emo kid, emo in the sense of depression but not those that harm themselves physically. I grown to be more neutral I think. I was acidic. I guess somebody poured alkaline into me. Perhaps I ate oven clean or toothpaste.

15 days late

mommy day

2008-08-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

Today's lesson: compound sentences
I'm upload pictures like crazy and I am crazy.
I used to upload pictures of 200kb but I am now uploading pictures of 2MB.
Thanks to my D.Cam which I have not think of a name for it.
I'm not very sure what compound sentences mean actually but I suppose is to link 2 clauses together.
HOW do you do that?(simple sentence)
It is to link them by using words like but, by, because, which, and and etc.
Well, I feel like a kid now because I'm learning English.

Okies, stop that english crap!

I can feel the distance between them. I can see her sorrow. But I can't do anything to help her. After all, this is her relationship. There's simply too much that clash between us and him.
Although, I didn't hear clearly what Daddy says, but i think he doesn't like him. I can't feel how different we are when we thought that way. He is just not part of us. I told mommy about what I read. Mommy is okay. I agree with what Mommy says, he is not even willing to try. I'm okay towards him. But I don't really like that attitude. In contrast, he may not have a better character but he bothers to try, just that he tried to hard! haha

There's so much that I feel like throwing out. I can't. I know I can't. I'm scared. I have no confidence. The 4E1 class gathering thing is getting nowhere. I seriously don't mind paying first but I find nobody to register the name under. It is the responsiblity of putting down the name. Well...

I just realise that this term actually ends. I really love working with Mr chin! He's really a good lecturer in a sense. He's very nice to us etc. I actually used that 'very nice', it is super duper cliche! I hope that our next PT is a good person. I hope is Mr chin! I think I'm very fortunate. I think all my classes bonded welll with all my form teachers. From primary school to now, this is the Maryln norm?

We 'celebrated' my mom's birthday yesterday. We are going to have steamboat today. GOSH! I feel so foody. I can almost feel that my stomach and intestines are filled with food! I ate LOTS and LOTS of food and chocolates and potato chips! Luckily, I shit.

At Ahyi's house, it was a not high birthday!

Yesterday, at the restaurant...

I was saying that Celine and mommy rarely take picture together. This is why I took this. lol

He's suppose to be the pig. I dunno why I ended up the pig! I think my dad have this 'ingrown' insistence that I am a dumb and clumsy person. The worst thing is... Celine actually agrees with him. What makes them think so? It is just that I never ever show my wisdom! It is better to appear dumb isn't it?

My bowl of shark's fins! Despite all the environmental and animal talk Celine and I had, both of us finish our bowls. I shouldn't feel guilty because I did that consciously. I still have the same attitude. It is the karma thing. It is because the shark have to be eaten, so it is eaten.
Even if this might cause the shark kind to exitnct, it is because they have to extinct.
I believe that there's a power that we can't control. It is out of our hands. Is this fate or destiny?

IF THE WORLD HAVE TO END, IT WILL END.
I look forward to world end.

My mens haven come yet!
11 days late...

my life

2008-08-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

I feel like a spoilt brat.
I don't like to be a spoilt brat.
I don't want to be a spoilt brat.
I like being pampered.
My dad pampers me. (not that diaper pampers please)
I don't want my independence talk to be crapping.
I want to be independent.
I try to be independent.
I should not wait.
I have to be pro-active.
I bought a lot of stuffs today.
I went shopping with my family.
I was cheated $39 for a cheap looking top.
My dad was robbed $39 for nothing.
I felt angry.
But I am happy.
I bought other stuffs.
I ate lunch with Karol that group.
It was rather weird for me.
I think I adapted.
I realised my opinions of people changes.
I see more things about people as we progress.
I use progress.
I didn't use digress.
Thus, we progressed.
I want to be a SUPERWOMAN.
I might be a SUPERWOMAN.
Can I be a SUPERWOMAN?
I like to finish my stuffs.
I start using my organizer again.
I want to make my organizer useful.
I miss her a lot.
I miss her a lot.
I miss her a lot.
They are different her-s.
I miss them a lot.
'Them' is in a group.

FINE! I feel so congested speaking in simple sentences like this. I agree. It is like taking small nibbles bit by bit. I gobble up my food all the time! Nibbling isn't my practice! ARGH! continue...

I feel angry.
I am angry at my mens.
My mens is late.
I'm trying to eat 'liang' things to make it come.
I tried those 'tea'.
They don't work.
I want to try pineapples.
Mens, please come.
I'm calling for mens.
Lastly...
I ate good food,
I ate smelly tofu.
I love smelly tofu!
I didn't eat durian for the whole durian season.
I want to eat.
The calories reminds me to stay away from them.
I can't imagine how bad it will be.
If I eat durian, I can't stop.
I ate N tofu today.
I want to show off my CAM.
I want to show off my tofu.
Thus, I show off my pic.

eventful

2008-08-07T06:24:00.001-07:00

There’s so much for me to blog about!

Well, I finally got my camera today! My dad bought it for me. It was left on my table. I didn’t really expect to get it by today. He called me the other day but I wasn’t really clear. I thought he wanted to bring me to buy. But he didn’t talk about it yesterday. And, I got it today! Yippee! I like its color a lot! Pink! Finepix Z100 fd!

I’m getting more and more eventful day by day! I realize that to really survive in this event industry. You must know what to say and what not to say. You have to learn how to shut up. You need to keep secrets. You need to show the good side and hide all the ugly side. This is how humanity is, isn’t it? I love events a lot.

I really wanna do the Fort Canning one and the European thing but I’m afraid that things might clash! God Bless Me! No matter how busy I may get, I like this!

I really find Jazreel freaky! There’s simply too much a coincidence between her and me. We were DPA interview mates. She’s Pat’s friend. She’s the coordinator from 02 to work with me. And now, we have to do that together? The freaky thing is that I met her on streets a couple of times. It is like when I’m out with my friends, she can just appear! How freaky can that be!

Things are piling up. I dislike not doing them! I just wanna finish all my stuffs asap. This is the driving force for me – to complete everything. The feeling of completing them simply rocks! I feel so done and so proud of myself!

edcuation vs poverty

2008-08-05T20:17:00.001-07:00

Is education really the only way out of poverty?

I would say that education is a way out of poverty, but I would not say education is the ONLY way out of poverty.

Of course, I will have to define what education is and what poverty is. Nowadays, education seems to be structured into a rigid form of primary, secondary, tertiary and so on. However, is education really this way? I beg to differ.

Dictionary.com defines education as…

1.
the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.

2.
the act or process of imparting or acquiring particular knowledge or skills, as for a profession.

3.
a degree, level, or kind of schooling: a university education.

4.
the result produced by instruction, training, or study: to show one's education.

5.
the science or art of teaching; pedagogics.

In my opinion, education is an art; it is the art of learning. This art goes on forever like any other form of art.

What about poverty? There are many different forms of poverty: mentally, physically, etc. The common one which everyone defines it is the form of money. Poverty is a state where by you are poor in something. With education, you can solve this problem. Can you?

We are all swimming out of poverty everyday, trying to make ourselves rich. But if everyone becomes rich, there isn’t any more rich and poor. We need standardization to compare and to contrast. Everyone is striving so hard for our own education and all these are just for a piece of paper to justify your ability. I would never agree that the piece of paper display me abilities and character. However, I am still limited and restricted by the society and myself. I just make myself so ‘out of place’.

I can say but I can’t execute. I feel disgusting for doing such empty talks. It pains me to see how my fellow friends are so troubled by those grades. I feel so helpless. I am troubled too. But I don’t trouble myself. I think I am seriously under the SOLASTRI effect, all the things she says are nailed into me! I was about to say: never trouble trouble, unless trouble troubles you. Just a word to remind everyone ATTITUDE!

Like what I’ve said in my Chinese blog, it is all just perspective. Change your shoes to make your world happier!

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-07-30T23:13:00.001-07:00

Sono a mio modo di MRT la seduta in una scuola. Io sono pazzo come tramite per eseguire i cinesi Giardino MRT. Credo che quando ho letto alcuni dei blog, non so ora. Sardar è una persona. E 'molto la sensazione che quando ho letto il tuo blog ad estranei. Spero che questa persona non sarà un estraneo che persona, anche se a volte che non diventi un estraneo a me. So che egli non è mai stato un blog, ma ho dovuto smettere di preoccuparsi di questo e dato che non mi vogliono sapere che sia. Mi capita di venire mio blog come un tipo di Patricia per il blog. Attendo con ansia e cliccato su un blog che, dal momento che so di non vedere che il surf blog. Con mia grande sorpresa, o meglio, a mio orrore, ho capito che questo è il tuo blog, ho Sis' blog. Celine sempre un introversa, che è un estroverso. Come ho letto il tuo blog, so che ho davvero non li conoscono. O è che non ero 'abbastanza buono per la cura o le cose che essi ritengono che essa non è che vogliamo sapere. Come ho detto, le femmine perché sono sempre stupido gente non sa come nascondere i loro desideri e di malvagità. Il vero killer sono tranquille. Beh, non uccidere. E 'solo che non so di lui. In modo che mi ha fermato. Io sono sia mentalmente sia fisicamente nudo davanti a loro. Essi ritengono che fisicamente, ma mentalmente nudo, avvolto essi strato dopo strato, e le barriere per me. Mi chiedo che egli veramente parlare che la tecnologia in aggiunta ad altre cose. Egli grida come non ho mai fare. Mi piace la loro cliente così basso. Non mi piace quello che la vostra famiglia è infelice persone. Amo la mia famiglia così tanto. Non capisco il motivo per cui si dice che su di noi. Mio padre, mia madre, e mi angeline e anche Celine noi tutti una sola famiglia. I serio non accettiamo che ciò che dicono. Se, infatti, le differenze di cultura interesserà, allora non è amore. Mi sento così indifesi e so io non ho non deve fare nulla. Mi auguro che ha usato nel suo pregiudizio comunque.

纪念

2008-07-29T03:57:00.001-07:00

我决定把这个po过来
因为这让我感动
让我。。。

老公～～～
我从来在朋友眼里是一个没立场的人
因为我认人摆布，我也不常表达自己的意愿。
不是他们的关系，可能是我自己太举棋不定吧。
而且我希望大家开心。
我爱我爱的人，你也可以爱你爱的人。
爱在心理，心不是别人所能控制的。　
你才是你心的主宰。
我也觉得不可能会有１００％一样的人，
因为没有１００％的事物。
或许可以很像，但是一定不一样。
你希望别人幸福，看你这么说，
心理的感觉，有点酸，因为在想，
我又做到让别人幸福吗？
我不知道，可是我希望自己会是幸福的来源。
跟你一起在ｍｓｎ聊，让我幸福，
看你的ｂｌｏｇ本身，就是我的幸福了。
对于陌生人，我算是陌生人吧？
我们这么陌生，却有这么的懂的彼此～
哈～人生好奇怪，但它偏偏就是这样。

rainbowie 于 July 29, 2008 12:21 AM 回应来源: 218.186.122.183 删除设为隐藏回复 -----------------------------------------------------------

我们太像了...
在不同的地方,
住着渺小的我们,
我们缘于SMART,
在那么大的世界...
偏偏我们如此像~~
因为...我在朋友之中也是个没立场的人,
任人摆布,不懂表达自己的意愿....
今天的事,不想为它留住回忆,只想让它烟消云散...
带着不开心的心情,打开部落格,
总会有一段留言让我倍感窝心~~
那是你的鼓励,你的安慰,你的想法...
总是抚平我不安的心情...
我们到底处于什么关系呢?!
不曾碰面的我们算得上是朋友吗?
还是只是陌生人?就处于这种"暧昧不明"的状态...
可是,我却相信,我们的感情很真挚...
我们懂彼此,不用说太多,
我们却愿意用心去体会彼此的心情和感觉~~
那就是我们了吧?!互相打气,互相鼓励的两夫妻~~
缘分不一定抓得劳,那是天意,不得违..
可是友情,感情,是需要靠我们自己的心去维持...
对方是你,我愿意那么做,
我不会表达对你的谢意和感情,
只希望我们一直都能这样~~
因为你,也让我感受到幸福的友情~~

---------------------------------------

老公你我都是感性的人。
看着你的一字一句会激起我很多很多的情绪。
我们很像，但却又很不一样。
我们的缘份那么深，
我们的认识是那么的微妙。
不知道为什么我会认识你，
更不知道在这么多smart之中为什么会add了你，
更急性的结为夫妻。
这是命运的安排吗？
你对我而言是那么的真，
你的留言，每次每次都让我觉得我是被认可的。
渺小的我们，看着人性，看着世界好
多好多我好想说的，
真的尽在不言中~
如果有一天，
我们真的见面了，
那会是一个怎样的场景，
什么样的画面？我期待着~~~~

bat/bad man

2008-07-29T02:43:00.000-07:00

I seriously feel so bottled after I watch ‘The Dark Knight’. There’s so much that is going through me. Frankly speaking, I don’t really like to go out with a big group of people; I like small groups like two or three, to the most four. I remember myself answering an oral question of whether I prefer to be with small or big groups. I said that both have their pros and cons but I like small groups better. It gives a cozy and comfortable feeling.

As I watch the movie, I whined a lot. I wasn’t feeling very comfortable. Other than the physical ‘nature call’ that I had, I was something more internally that was causing that. Who is the real villain? Who is the real hero? Is there even a hero in the first place? I dislike all characters. There’s one who left me a great impression was the prisoner who threw the bomb controller into the sea. I know this is only a movie; will such a person really exist? I believe that I won’t be any joker in this world because it takes a lot of courage to be a joker. I envy the joker, no obligations. I pity the joker – loner. Perhaps, the character I like most is the joker.

He has no greed for money, no greed for power. They described him as a ‘freak’. It is because he’s different so he’s a freak? What is a definition of a freak? If I like it, I can define a freak as a hero too? Call him a freak, freak is just a name humans label for people who are different. Instead of using freaks, why don’t you say it as special? Isn’t it the same? We are all different, why must minorities always follow the majorities? I have to bow down to the way majority is, the way society is.

You may wonder why I dislike or even detest the bat man, he is the hero! Well, I don’t like the part of him thinking that he is noble. He thinks that by being the villain, sacrificing himself is really that great of him? I find it totally disgusting about him to make the world even more fake it is already. By deceiving the civilians and himself that this world is beautiful? Do he think that making everyone live in the fake world is a happy ending for everyone? NO! I think that I rather this world real and cruel, rather than fake and kind. I just dislike it; I don’t know how to describe my feelings. I find the bat man super manipulative and I hate that. He has to right to decide what is right for everyone. He says that he won’t kill; I have to say this is seriously stupid stubborn insistence. I just find this character totally a hypocrite. He feels like Thomas Stockmann to me.

I didn’t like Harvey from the start till the end, there are moments that I like Bat Man, but for him, not even a second. Harvey and Rachel should really be together since they are two of a kind. Rachel doesn’t deserve to be with Bat man at all. I think Harvey is the worst of worst of worst of all! I believe that if you really believe in something, no matter how bad someone tries to affect you, you won’t change. I find Harvey’s righteousness superficial. Somehow, he didn’t believe in the good from the start. In fact, nobody in the movie believed in the good. This is why I find Bad man totally @#$% to make the world look good when nobody in this place believed in the good.

This movie is a wonderful movie. It got me thinking. And again, you may not agree with what I’ve said, or you may even it I’m just whining about senseless things, crapping, being whatever. This is just my view for this moment. I just need to spill them out.

Is the joker or anybody really the source of chaos? I think the existence of humanity is the source of chaos. And again, what is humanity? I can’t define humanity. I feel so complicated and so puzzled. My knot is entangled.

I was trying to distract myself from thinking because I’m afraid I may just explode if I think too much without typing it. By typing out my thoughts, I keep track of them because I can see them. But I know my fingers can keep up with my mind, this is why I always have typo.

There’s this thing about bus 502, whenever I sit in that bus, I’ll think a lot a lot a lot. I feel as insignificant as I walk along the streets towards the bus stop. I am just like any other person. Nothing will change without me. I don’t make a big difference. I know I will make a difference, but it is an insignificant one. After all, I am not people like bat man. The day when there’s no bat man, is the day when bat man believes in the good. The day when there’s no law, is the day when nobody breaks the law because there’s no law to restrict them. I have to remind myself something - simplicity. Just keep things simple.

I don’t even know if I believe in the good. After all, I am a liquid. I change, I flow, I transform.

Is Change is the only constant? Change is a constant. But it is not an only constant.

racial harmony day pictures

2008-07-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

racial harmony day pictures
+
videos

http://www.wretch.cc/album/album.php?id=rainbowie&book=6

lalala

2008-07-27T08:01:00.000-07:00

I seriously have a lot to blog about after so much that has happened today.

Okies, I didn’t blog yesterday. Hahaha~ just start blogging now only. Suddenly dunno what to blog. well, I talked to jiayann and eli a lot on our journey to khatib. After the talking, I think I like our class more. I realize a lot of things as I read blog other people’s blog. the way I blog is quite different.

Okies, I wanted to blog so much these few days but I just cant because I have not arrange my thoughts in a ‘literal’ manner and I just don’t have the time to sit down and type one by one. Another reason is also because I’m not decisive over the language I wanna blog in.

It was the racial harmony event yesterday, my first official baby in the events industry. Everything on my part was okay except the prize presentation which was a big disappointment. I have to agree that it is our mistake for not anticipating the side for the parents for not being punctual. But the stage surely has a part to play for not coordinating well with the MCs too. We passed them the list and reminded the arrangements and order. Another thing is about the prize vouchers, they wanted us to pass them but they didn’t set up the table. Perhaps we should have put a better control over manpower. I won’t say who’s fault is this because I think everyone have a part to cause the mistake and since the mistake has already been done, what we should do is to learn from the mistake.

Another thing which I am super glad and happy about is that I’m in the competition and it is actually quite easy except the crowded registration time. I seriously feel like **** the parents when they don’t queue up and keep on irritating us. I think that there’s should be a better queuing system which they follow. I love my team mates too!!! We rock; I think the point about us thinking that it is easy makes it easy. We don’t make things difficult for us, by thinking easy and keeping easy. The whole day was so fun for us! Fun moments!!! I don’t know what really happen to the other side but ours was really okay and we hit our target on the overall with a number of 80+ participants and 2+ family members coming with them. So we actually have around 300 people for our side!

Through this event, I got to know new people and I seriously have to jump and shout out loud that I’m super fortunate to work with Eli and Jiayan! The ending was super funny! The theatre practically becomes our class’ market! Throwing all the free goodies all around like crazy! I brought 6 notepads, 1 whiteboard, 5 goropok, 5 calendars, 2 coloring marker, etc.. but I’m not the goodie winner, I think huiting and liang can fight to be the goodie winner. The helpers from other class look rather ‘diao’ by our class. I’m starting to like our class more after the comparison. I use to think that there’s no class spirit. There is, but I think it only surface after some events. For 4E1 is the shiny red dot, Dpa I think is the camp and etc. This event certainly rised the class spirit a lot! BBQ on Monday!

Well, there’s so many in depth stuffs that I wanna blog but I don’t know who I ended up typing ‘life’ stuffs. As I read others’ blog, I realize I don’t really blog ‘life’ stuffs, especially for Chinese blog.

For things to change, I must change first.
If others can, so can I.
Who is the force? I am the force.

These 3 lines are really motivating for me. Thanks ms solastri for those. I seriously feel like doing something for 4e1’s teachers but I think it is hard to get the whole class together again. 4e1 CLASS CHALET! I’m sooooo gonna book you!!!

whatever

2008-07-22T19:32:00.001-07:00

I suddenly have this urge to pour a lot of things out of me. I think I haven’t been practicing English for sometime. Why practice English? I think English or rather literature is something that you need to do consistently if not it will get rusty. Though, life is already an everyday literature for me.

Every time I evaluate past happenings, I get new learning points. When I was just mental writing my CIP evaluation for Character development and this learning point got through me. Yes, maybe I may bitch about bitches and all. But actually, those bitches are perhaps the most innocent people because they can’t hide their human desires for power, fame and money. Perhaps?

I seriously can’t organize my English now, I’m like Charlie Gordon, deteriorating intelligence quotient. I think I can’t spell as well too because I don’t write and I grew dependent on Microsoft word to get the right stuffs for me! I hate this dependence but I love the speed. Eli says she can’t tolerate people without excellence. I was thinking, am I one such person? I think I am a person who can achieve pass, once I get pass, I won’t bother to perfect my things. But I’m getting and working along well with her. I find her nice too~

I hate it when I can’t get things done and I hate it when people can’t get things done. When I don’t get things done, I am conscious that I don’t because I am not willing to do so. I just simply can’t tolerate people who think that they have so much from the world to do and they can’t complete any? Do you really have so much to do? Ha~ I’m so gonna do my evaluation to help me practice my mental organization. I think I’m gonna fail badly if I were to do speed writing now.

pours

2008-07-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

I actually wanted to blog yesterday already but Han was online so I webcam-ed her. And I had this super mood swing yesterday, so much so that I didn’t feel like even putting on a smile at all. It was okay, as in I can still joke around and all, I can still talk, still breathe, and still ‘interact’ with other ‘bodies’. I wasn’t trying to act myself or whatever, I just practically keep stuffs.

I am like a balloon and I finally sort of exploded yesterday. I know it sounds rather stupid but I cried super badly in front of that IT device called webcam. In fact, I was already holding back tears when I was on the bus and when I was walking home. Many stuffs and thoughts trained through my mind. When I return to this empty home with just maryln and maryln, ,and lappy ,and room, and nothing. When I start to webcam and talk about life, I just burst.

I dunno why I feel that it is stressful to be me in school. As in, I have to be of certain ‘standard’ of maryln when I’m in school or I say class. This is a subconscious thing I have for myself and it is nobody’s fault. I’m a person who will complete work regardless of the quality of the work. Is this a boon or bane? Am I a boon or a bane?

I hope I should know how to handle things better at different times. As in, quick do good done bye end! Sometimes, I rather I didn’t put any hard work and get the same marks as those who put hard work. I know this is unfair to other people. But I this is how life works. And I like it this way. Lol. Because I think the more hard work I put in, it is just more loss only. Whatever!

The crying yesterday did me good. I was able to pour stuffs out. A cry a day keeps the worries away. This makes sense to me.
Perspective, I always believed that things can be very different if you bother to think on another stand.