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CHANGE

TO ALL DEAR READERS, FRIENDS, 过客, 知己，Patricia's stalkers...

I will never be able to organize my thoughts the way I truly want it.
I will never be able to show who I really am.
I will never be able to express myself 100%.
I went around to blogs of people whom I once know. I guess I no longer know them anymore, looked at the familiar faces, I knew them.

OK! I SHALL ANNOUNCE AND REVEAL! SO STUPID TO THINK SO LONG! COS I KNEW I WILL CHANGE in A WAY! LOL!

I don't know why I decide to keep.

POSTED TO MAKE ZHENx2 JEALOUS

Photos for XMAS and 'romantic' VIVO night with msX

Where were at my place celebrating Xmas on the eve.
Taking pictures with my son and pager because my daughter is with celine in korean most probably eating kimchi and sneezing because I'm blogging about her.






Them wearing the SUPER EX presents. LOL! I agree I did feel a BIG HOLE and burnt in my pocket but I'm happy seeing them wearing it. HEHE





VIVO!!!!


幸福的形状















This isn't chicken dance. I was trying to jump but...


Our footsteps...






SUPER DOG-ing



MRT-ing


Webcamming yesterday... BORED XMAS NIGHT because the EVE was the party.

太烦恼

I’m feeling Chinese now.
我现在好困惑哦，其实真的不关我的事的。
我不是故意的，可是说都说了。
真的不喜欢自己那么大嘴巴，我害你不开心了吧。
Sorry真的，我不喜欢不喜欢不喜欢。
Why? Why? Why? 明明不关我的事，可是我却因此而烦恼。
我好希望老公那时候在，如果她在我也许不会那么心虚。
对我来说，那其实没有那么严重，我现在知道重要了。
我真的很后悔，我问了那个问题，如果可以，我收回我的问题，真的。
回不去了。不可能
烦恼，太冲动并不好


昨天的圣诞很温馨，我很喜欢，就是简简单单的在我家跟lili&zhenzhen玩玩还有说说话。
我也很喜欢他们送的礼物，好难得丽丽会那么用心！礼物我很不想po照片，最近我都觉得没有必要po照片，你们会想要看照片吗？我其实觉得说。。。我也不知道。烦， blog的原因让我烦，什么都烦。
我送了他们2个fox jacket还有我自己比较满意的卡片，因为我真的觉得很有心意。
喜欢就是这样简简单单的滋味，不要华丽的衣服，豪华的地点，奢侈的食物。
我要的其实真的没有什么。2008年的年底，让我很感叹，很多情绪波涛汹涌的从我的内心中勇出来。
我突然好想哭，昨天看真真哭得那么噼里啪啦的，我却很无动于衷，现在，因为这样那样的问题我烦。
我会怕你不喜欢我，我会怕我被歧视，我会怕未来，我会怕。。。
算了，反正我什么都不能大声地说出来！算了~

风飘飘飘飘飘飘飘

Yes. I have not been blogging for sometime because I got lost in a way. I didn’t understand why I blogged anymore. I don’t find any meaning in blogging. I think my agenda of blogging got twisted in a way. I started to put counters. I talk to people in my blog. I give hidden meanings directed at people. Initially, it was just to keep track of my thoughts. However, I think it is no longer this way now. I give a damn about people reading this blog, although it’s not a lot of you. But I’m very bothered by your perspectives and I admit that I’m bothered to myself.

I wanted to blog for a few things. But thoughts just go away if you fail you record them. They flew away. I went out with Ms X yesterday. Then, when I got home, I read Ms Yeo’s mail. She got me thinking. The day before was an emotional and thoughts day. I was on the verge of crying when I talked to Ms X about some stuffs.

Yes, my perspectives changed a lot this year. I can use 8 characters to describe that: 满心期待to心灰意冷。I really feel 心灰意冷now. I have to say, I still believe in people who will stay with you for your current life with emotional attach. But I will use 心灰意冷because the chances of this happening are most probably 1 out of 100 friends you have. I think the realistic part is that neither Ms X nor I believed that we will be friends who stay for long. I mean yes, we will be friends our life, but no longer with that emotional attachment. She will walk out of my life like you people becoming a 过客.

Just a quote from Ms Yeo’s email:
This might sound kinda cruel but, somewhat I learnt to depend on myself when I have to. No one is ALWAYS going to be there for you and somehow I think that there are times I don’t wanna burden other ppl. Sometimes you really have no one so you have to be strong, life is hard…..so we sort of have to get over it… like we said that other ppl change, we’re probably changing too. I even get freak out by my own changes too. Sometimes I wished I was the old me, but yah…I never will be.

I’m truly glad that all my friends with emotional attachment are realistic people. We know. We understand. We feel. We aren’t soul-less bodies. Ms Yeo grew up a lot, she was leading a princess life back here. She became a Cinderella there. We will never be like before and I will never be. Change is a constant. Nevertheless, I have to admit I was surprised that Ms Yeo have not become my 过客yet.

She asked me if she was the one with the chair stuck on her butt. I like her confidence and faith with me and herself. This little chair issue made Zhen cry, I guess if you aren’t part of the chair thing, you won’t feel for it because none of her friends she consulted felt that it was cry-able. But she went噼里啪啦. I asked Ms Yeo a question. Do you think people can share little chairs? I don’t think so. Every chair should be specifically catered to one person. And if you don’t have, I won’t lie because you just don’t.

A last question to everyone, you may not have to answer me.
Can we control the changes? I don’t like unexpected changes. Even if they are positive ones.

List of restaurants I killed with Ms X this year:
Changing Appetites! (2)
Sakae(1)
Surf n Turf(1)
New York New York(1)
Swensens(4)
Just Noodles(1)
Ichiban(1)
CityLink/Bugis Jap Restaurant(2)
Fish & Co(1)
Billy Bombers(1 and never)
Secret Recipe(2)
TouFu(3)
奶油排骨(1)

Fast food List:
Macdonalds
KFC
PizzaHut
Yoshinoya
Pasta Mania
Burger King
Long John
Subway
Mos Burger

我会说byebye

I went out with Patricia yesterday. Nothing heavy, it was a simple day and I enjoyed it. I listened to her Genting story and we had food and we went esplanade roottop. Nothing much yesterday, I gave my brain a rest. I don’t feel like posting pictures, I just don’t feel like.

You knew I will blog right.

Yes, I wonder how many times I’ve started my blog this way but according to Liangpopo, I did that a hundred times. I chatted with Liangpopo today. I called her to see how we’re going to do the present for Ms Hazel. We chatted. We always start our chat from nowhere, chat for the sake of chatting but topics will just flow the way. I wonder how it will it be like to chat with you for the sake of chatting. I won’t be awkward with liangpopo because we always do that. She told me things that she never said.

Nobody is supportive of my smart. Not Celine. Not Patricia. Not Liangpopo too. She says it’s okay but I overdo it. Perhaps, I should really heed her advice. 2009 should be a less smart year. It really daunted on me because Ms.L said that. She said both of us changed to become very different. I knew we were not the same; we were very different, in terms of thoughts and all. Yet we are friends. True ones. I was just thinking and thinking. I changed. I was one of those active people, those ra-ra ones, I’m sociable and all. She said that I’m more of introvert now. I see her becoming an extrovert and becoming more introvert. I changed, I truly did. She said smart was the reason. ‘

I told her about the newly born XMAN. MsX calls him x2man. I realized I said MsX name a lot of times in our chat.

我们聊了假设性的问题等等等
我们也聊到了过客
现在的你们都早已成为过客了
你， 你，你也会是我的过客
或许吧，我从来没有敞开心房吗？
因为小椅子的位置有限
所以我很排斥让人有取代的机会
过客。我会成为你的过客吗？
不安与恐慌或许是瞬间的
就像我的喜欢一样，是瞬间的
那瞬间一过，剩下的不堪回首。
过客不过客是在于人的努力吧
可是如果努力去维持一段关系
那是很痛苦的，那何不让往事随风，
让遗憾的美丽停在那里呢？
我很珍惜我们现在所有的
因为我不知道它会不会像摩天轮一样
转一圈就完了。摩天轮会一直的转，
但是有谁会一直在你每一圈都出现？
又会有谁会加入你，又有谁会离开你？
离开的我可以假装坚强的说byebye
但是进来的，我会说hello吗？

Mikey's Present

Our present.

****LA! ****!

I went running today because I was soooo disgusted by my fats yesterday. Celine says she’ll give me 50 bucks if I become 65 by CNY. Yes, I’m more than 65. I can’t think when I run. But as I walk, thoughts were able to process better. I thought through a lot. I guess some were redundant. I want to throw redundant thoughts away. I wasn’t able to sleep well last night because I was troubled. I don’t know who to trust anymore. I can’t stand my own inconsistency in my behaviour.

Jyings asked me out. But I refused to say ‘yes I’m going.’ I don’t want to say. I don’t want to lie to her. The fact was that I seriously don’t feel like going, at that time, but I can’t throw it right at her face. I don’t like parties, I don’t like big groups, and I don’t like to know new friends! I don’t know how to make friends and I don’t know how to be a friend. I don’t blend. But when I figure that it’s only a 6 person, I told her I’ll see. A group of 6 with people you know feels more comfortable to me.

I don’t know! I feel so troubled because I’m not the same. I don’t want to be a chameleon but I feel like one! I feel so childish to be troubled over childish issues. But I am and I don’t want to deny to myself. I feel redundant sometimes. Am I? Will I? I feel childish hugging on to strawberries like now. And I realize that I’m actually comfortable with showing my thoughts because I am conscious that by blogging you will read it.

I feel so pissed with everything. But I don’t know what’s wrong! Pissed with myself! I was out the whole day yesterday. I’m quite busy these days. When I got home I started to use the com. Going online was almost the only thing I do at home. I don’t watch TV anymore. I finally feels how is it like when you just go online and you have 10 msn windows suddenly popping out of nowhere. I felt it.
妮，老公，zhen, loco, applejuice, etc…
But I was damn pissed off at a person, I don’t know know who just wants to squeeze RM info out of me! Come on! It’s like I know! If I know, I won’t even tell you. What makes you think I’ll tell you?! It’s not like you’re a big Smartie or what! I keep my mouth shut too! I don’t know you. Stop asking me why Mike smokes because I don’t know! I don’t want to know. So what if he smokes? I like him. END OF STORY! It’s like my dad smokes but I love my dad. If you decide you dislike a person because he smokes, it’s stupid! I blocked the person after she irritates me for the Nth time. Don’t ever try to 讨my words. You don’t know who I am. I can be scarier than you imagine.

I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I feel so troubled but I don’t know why. I should be satisfied. I want to camp myself at home. I want to go out! But I don’t want to be a soul-less me when I’m out! I don’t see the point for not being there! I’m sooo glad I texted Patricia before I actually go and bathe and all because I guess she’s sleeping or what. LOL! I’m used to her MIA.

I was emailing Qiuhan. I’m dependent on our relationship. I was seriously dependent on it. It was the only way to make me believe in human and friends I guess. I don’t want to lose faithful in everything and everyone. Her mails make me feel bothered. Zhen asks me what I want for XMAS, I told her心意. She knows what I got for them. HAHA! I bought 2 FOX jacket for zhenzhen and liwen. My policy “你进我一尺，我敬你一仗。’ But if you were bad to me, I don’t know if the devil of me escape and I make you suffer one day. I’m serious 心意, even an FOC thing like blogskins, videos, etc can make me happy. This year is going to end soon. I thought about what I did in 2008. Nothing. Smart, Ms X , poly.

I was showing laogong some 4e1 stuffs when I saw it. Is this something a first class will do?


Mike’s present which we’ve been working very hard for. It’s not yet exposed to the world yet. But… this is my blog, it’s like I care?




He’s worth! At least for now.

Last Part of the 歌词本

Humanization

Humans are all guilty conscious. I’m a human too. I can empathize. If saying those make you feel better, I hear. I listened to her but I choose to hear you. I can sense the difference in sincerity for I know who you are. I just want to read those FF for now. I’ll get back. Ignorance for the time being is bliss. I can pretend I don’t know. I can’t eat back what I said. I can change my face. You aren’t worth that much.

Don't put on a mask on your face. Even she thought your approach was for. Approach me with a agenda that is going to happen. Ignore me if you just want to console yourself. It don't make things better. If you still think I'm a person who sways with your guilt.

When SORRY have to be said, a mistaken is made. Don’t apologize to me if you have not done me wrong. It will make me think that you are wrong to me.

I like to say sorry very frequently if you realize. I don’t like others so apologize to me. But I’ll rather say sorry than thank you. I’m weird. I said ‘sorry’ so frequently that I think sorry doesn’t have the sorry meaning in my dictionary anymore. I don’t make sense TODAY!

I do good things for an agenda. This applies to everyone whether you admit or not. When I volunteer, I don’t feel the instant achievement, but it makes feel good. I don’t believe in people saying they volunteer for the sake of whatever. The word volunteer never ever exists. I like to do things against the flow sometimes. I just don’t know why. Is it because it makes me stand out? Or it is because I can’t stand the draggy part?

I think we moved on further than we thought we will go. Blessing? I guess so. I enjoyed that anyways. I guess I’m not that transparent anymore. I like how I show myself in ACE. I can act the way I want very freely. I won’t say that’s me, but I like being that way. I like being an idiot, singing with a stupid voice.

I can’t frame them into human terms today. BTW, I realized a lot of mistakes made in confession post.

P.S. Is it you? Guilt conscious overwhelms.

POST 4 XIAOLILI's pictures

I wanted to blog last night when I came back from another chalet. But I didn’t. I enjoyed the journey back and my time spent there. I enjoyed it greatly. I drank the peach flavoured breezer with LILI. I like peach more than the other flavours. She was telling me that ZHENZHEN drinks! I don’t know that GOSH! I DON’T KNOW THAT YOU DRINK! ALL THE IMAGE 消失 already!

I wonder how it like is to be drunk. I’m never drunk before because I never take liquor out of what I can take. I’m curious. But it was nice yesterday. We got He JunXiang to buy for us and he was asked for his IC. He don’t look like he’s 19 at all! He looks younger than us!

Pictures…. This isn’t going to be an emo post!


The three of us lost in downtown East.


On our way… We agreed to meet @ 4. I messaged her @ 3.50 that I’ll reach CityHall in 20 mins. When I call her at 4.20 because I was waiting in Cityhall. She says ‘OH! I’m in orchard.’ OMG! Lols


HuiLi making the sambal sotong.


Tim


Jocelyn


XIAO LILI and her FAT TONGUE
XIAO QIANG who refuses to take pictures!


My favourite Picture of the DAY!

“HE JUN XIANG!” whom have became XiaoZhu after Basketball Fire started.

US playing Indian Poker? Is that how you call that? Just a game with forefeit.


Xiao Qiang with the birthday girl next door.

XiaoLILI and the ‘shuaige’ next door.



ZIBAI TIME!

Death is an inevitable.

I went to Ms X’s blog. Emotions pouring. I figure that if I wanted to respond to Ms X’s blog, her tiny little tag board isn’t sufficient. Frankly speaking, I was shocked to see you posting those names and all your thoughts so ‘naked’ in a way. I meant supposing you kept some yourself, but it was the most ‘naked’ time.

I guess it’s normal to sway with you since you are my source of judgment. I don’t think anyone can judge objectively at the right spot. There was never a third person. I think we, in general, always tend to fall into either sides of the situation.

Last times are inevitable. How much difference will it make if the last time is tomorrow, nine months later or nine years later? It will come after all. I will feel sad that it is the last time. But I still don’t think that I will do anything even if I’m going to die tomorrow. I’ve lived my life, maybe not the most exciting one, but my life has been one which I believe I should be satisfied with. I can die with no regrets tomorrow. But thinking of all the things we could have done, I don’t know. We could have eaten all the possible smelly toufu in the world. We could have completed the endless list of restaurants waiting. What will we do on the last day? Nothing. I will still spend it like a normal day. Maybe sitting at Bugis café, maybe shopping in departmental stores for kiwis, I will still spend it like a normal day. But I admit it will feel different.

I won’t hug because you said you don’t like hugs.

Whether who leaves first, will it make a difference? Perhaps it will. I will show who is abandoned and left behind. I have N people leaving my life. I call these people 过客, I will telling my friend another day, I won’t be surprised if you and I become strangers. I won’t be surprised if I can talk like normal friends with one so-called enemy. I won’t be surprised. Will you be surprised if we become strangers? I won’t be surprised if I saw you on streets and you can’t remember my name. Though, I won’t we can be like we are now for very long. (no forever)

I will cry if you die. I think maybe 10 years later, you will feel that whatever thoughts you are having now is childish. But I will still say whatever thoughts we have currently come true for us.

You said “I didn’t do anything right”
You made a right friend! You did it right by knowing me!

Am I? Confession

I have this thing about what kind of tone and attitude to treat what kind of people at where and when. I guess everyone has it too. This is why I couldn’t take it when Solastri called this hypocritical. But I guess she was right is a way. So am I a hypocrite?

I deleted the long post of what happened yesterday. I didn’t feel like posting it up. I guess it was not what I wanted to share. It will make you even guiltier for being such. (There’s really guiltier this word? Microsoft corrected me!) Perhaps you aren’t just conscious enough.

I called Zhenzhen yesterday afternoon with the intention I gave myself that I wanted a chat with her.
I guess this was our conversation, something like that, I couldn’t remember that clearly either.
Zhen: Hello
Me: You are outside? It’s okay. I call you when you’re home.
Zhen: You sounded very sad. What happened?
Me: You’re so bad! I didn’t want to cry you know! MEANIE!

I didn’t know I sound sad. I mean I weren’t supposed to be and I didn’t have the intention of having a pouring session, maybe I had sub-consciously. I cried when I heard her say that ‘you sounded sad.’
We had a proper chat later when I chilled and she’s in house. She asked in a super act cute voice I guess ‘发生什么事啦？’ because she says that I use that voice to act to her. Do I really have a Maryln’s accent? I sort of poured all the bad things to her. I didn’t mean to say those. As in, I didn’t feel to be bother that much. I don’t know why I choose to tell her all the bad things that the good ones seem so insignificant. It will never be the same. I can never feel belong again.

I webcam Ms X much later. And I told her the good stuffs. Ironic. I don’t know what I choose to be so selective over the things I say. I mean I could have shared the same things. Why did I choose to put a different filter? Why? When have I doubled my joy with Zhenzhen? I don’t want her to be the one to halve my sorrow. This is unfair to her, I feel bad like a burden. Thanks Ms X for doubling my joy anyways.

P.s. Just a confession to my apologies. I changed a lot this year. I felt stupid for what I have done. I choose to keep quiet for I know it won’t make a difference.

SUPER ACCURATE!!!

I just went to do a 算一算 randomly which was super accurate!!!

This was almost exactly what the 紫薇抖数guy told me! OMG! I bold those which are the same!

http://www.63e.cn/sm/sm/sm.asp?sm=1

吴蕙 孜
出生时间：(公历)1991年11月25日20点

本命属羊，路旁土命。五行土旺缺火；日主天干为土，生于秋季。（同类土火；异类木水金。）

重要说明：本结果为系统自动分析，仅供参考，八字缺什么与补什么无关，具体应由专业老师分析！　

(农历)
辛未年十月二十日戌时

八字：Not good to show I guess.

五行：金土土水土水木土

纳音：路旁土平地木平地木山头火

八字五行个数 : 1个金，1个木，2个水，0个火，4个土

四季用神参考 : 日主天干土生于秋季,喜有火，有木，忌金、水多。

穷通宝鉴调候用神参考 : 己土生于亥月，三冬己土,非丙暖不生。初冬壬旺,取戊土制之,土多,取甲木疏之。

生肖个性
根据分析，您的生肖为“羊”

①研究欲强，富有创造性。

②善良、宽容、顺从。

③有耐心，不惹是非。适应环境快。

弱点：易动感情，主观性差，随波逐流优柔寡断。

日干心性
和缓,谨慎,心灵手巧,但疑虑多,欠果断。容易因情耗财,防止被人牵着走。

日干支层次
[己亥][上等]坐正财正官，为财官双美，主贵。女命己亥，也可嫁贵夫。

日干支分析
计巧伶俐，衣食安稳，骨肉少力，六亲冷淡，儿女早见刑克，迟到稍好；夫妻和顺。女人清闲，晚年好。 * 根据四柱预测学部分专家学者提供的资料，归纳整理，个别字句有待考证，总体准确度较高！

五行生克制化宜忌
土旺得水， 方能疏通。 土能生金， 金多土变； 强土得金， 方制其壅。 土能克水， 水多土流； 水弱逢土， 必为淤塞。 土赖火生， 火多土焦； 火能生土， 土多火晦。

五行之性
土主信， 其性重， 其情厚， 其味甘， 其色黄。 土盛之人圆腰廓鼻， 眉清木秀，口才声重。 为人忠孝至诚， 度量宽厚， 言必行， 行必果。 土气太过则头脑僵化，愚拙不明， 内向好静。 不及之人面色忧滞， 面扁鼻低， 为人狠毒乖戾， 不讲信用，不通情理。

四柱五行生克中对应需补的脏腑和部位
脾与胃互为脏腑表里， 又属肠及整个消化系统。 过旺或过衰， 较宜患脾， 胃， 肋， 背， 胸， 肺， 肚等方面的疾病。

宜从事行业与方位
宜土者， 喜中央之地， 本地。 可从事土产， 地产， 农村， 畜牧， 布匹， 服装，纺织， 石料， 石灰， 山地， 水泥， 建筑， 房产买卖， 雨衣， 雨伞， 筑堤， 容水物品， 当铺， 古董， 中间人， 律师， 管理， 买卖， 设计， 顾问， 丧业， 筑墓， 墓地管理， 僧尼等方面的经营和事业。

三命通会
己日甲戌时生,是妻从夫化。己土与甲木相合,化土成局,土神聚集秀气,禄源深厚。如果月中无化,那就取甲木为官,丙火为印,戌上甲木成行,丙火合局。如果通月气,那就显贵;如果不通月气,有刑、冲、破、害的,是平常的命,自身虽然吉利,却早失父母。 己亥日甲戌时生，通土气月，要行木运；通水木月，要行身旺运，这都显贵。

月日时命理
十月生
此月生人，前年正月受胎，冬至节后出生。为人声音刚强，心灵艺巧，然男女多相克，夫妇难合睦，心情易变动，常为失败之因。初限不理想，晚景安逸。 诗曰：为人生来庆半余，免得灾殃祸其身，更宜持济行善事，一生衣禄睦三春。　
二十日生
戌时时生

You aren't YOU. You are YOU.

I did an Mental Age test twice.
I got 24 years old the first time.
This is the second time.

http://www.manhi.cn/other/guestyear.htm
鉴定结果您的心理年龄31岁
与您实际年龄差14岁
幼稚度72％
成熟度21％
老化度67％

I’m home from 4E1 Class Chalet which Verge says ‘It’s the first and last time’. But this was the initial one. In the end, I think that he changed his perspective. Both Wanwan and Verge was unpleased by the attendance. I felt okay initially. But I was intensified by other factors which set me thinking a lot. This is why I got so quiet at the wrong time. I have a choo-choo train of thoughts throughout this entire gathering.

I guess it will be okay to say I’m home from somewhere most times. But I don’t really like the idea of saying this ‘I’m home from Class Chalet.’ I read my own words and I noticed what I meant myself subconsciously. It was just a remark I made myself which made me realize how I truly felt. I’m home from X. In other words? You should understand. Home is a feeling as it has always been. I don’t want to be black and white for this thing because it’s not positive, at least not to me personally but I acknowledge it.

Back from some sleep.

Speaking of black and white, I seriously think that not everyone bothers about right or wrong because it’s always neither. But I do. You need a little black to get white polluted. How much white will you need to lighten the black? I will still want to dissect every single factor to make a judgment. There was a particular scenario which troubled me. Should I choose to believe? I guess I should. Anyways, I am not like before anymore. Never will. It felt like I was never one of them. I guess the presence made an insignificant difference.

Who was there when I need help?
Who was there to share those times?
Who was there when I’ve been through my darkest times of my life?
Who was there to share my glory?
You all. If it weren’t.

I didn’t mean to copy Ms X’s style of writing ‘such paragraphs’ I just wanted them to stand out. But I admit it is the same thing. LOL! If Ms X is reading. HEY! I copy cat wor! (That accent)

I realized I’m a person who is easily satisfied for love. I just need little things that one person can do to make me feel that I am loved and bothered. You were the one who was sensitive. She never was. This is why I was never offended although people who are really supposed to remember my birthday forgot. My mother and Miss Yeo both forgot that day. But my mom got my hints later. Miss Yeo wasn’t hinted in my mails. I’ll type another long mail to her later; I’ve so much to rubbish bin her.

I wasn’t offended because I know they love me and I’m special to them. I agree I was disappointed to see her forgetting but never offended. That’s what true friends are for right? I guess so. We are special to each other for the little golden chairs stuck to our butt. I’m just so confident about my golden chair in her. Confidence was something lost; I required. You have that golden chair too!

There was another thing. I’m scared of commitments. I’m fearful of committing. Know why? The dictionary will define commitment as ‘pledge to do’. To me, once committed, you must fulfill your obligations. I think this attitude is good to events I guess. I will worry if I can’t keep up to my promises, I will fear if I have to let others down. I rather be ambigious that ‘I may not be’, then saying I will and I will not to disappoint the person. Noted? I said ‘may not ’. In other words, I can DO, I have the ability to DO, but I don’t. But I know we all have to prioritize. I told one person ‘时间是人挤出来的.’ I went to YV one day before my econ tests too. If I can.

I strayed so badly. Back to the main topic, two girls 4 guys stayed yesterday. I stay because I can. If you can, why didn't you? Well, I stayed because nobody is staying. But most of the time people stay because many stay, but I stay because few stayed!

We watched one miss call together. I had fun although I slept in the middle. But I was there for the scariest parts. But I guess I wasn't the most timid one, Clement was worse I think. I don't think he was even looking at the screen at all. But that face was really DAMN scary. I'm surprised that I'm so daring now because I even dare to stay alone at home after those scary stuffs. I guess it's because I wasn't that scared because I removed my contacts. I still remembered how Celine forced me to watch inner senses with her because she don't dare to!

p.s. I chose to use sarcasm to make you feel better. You should feel glad that I respect you by not revealing your names. YOU refer to different you at different times. YOU are directed at YOU. So if you felt that it is yourself, which means you are self-conscious that you did wrong to me despite the fact that I didn’t even say YOU is you. You may not be YOU but YOU are guilty conscious.

But there’s one YOU who’s good. The one with my little chair stuck on her butt. You know yourself.

Back to my production of 自由飞翔~

忙盲茫的累泪类

累
从来就没离开过
像个恶魔一样吞噬着
无法，可以，不愿意
睡眠不是解药，需要
因挥别而美丽

泪
犹豫在双目中
让它勇于而出
让它转为蒸汽
飘到天涯海角，流浪
只不过是让进去的逃走罢了

类
原本就不是同国
不可能成为同类
谁和谁是类友
谁与谁成为敌类
要怎样归类


我徘徊在做与不做
我捆在对与错
蒙上双眼，选择无视一切，
我是鸵鸟。
时间不是唯一解药
时间是将所以埋伏
埋起来的看不见
却还是深深地存在着
闭上眼看不见。
视觉会撒谎

SOME EMO-ing

I've been taking alot alot of pictures these few days because my life was rather eventful for the past few days.

This is going to be a boring reflection post. But I guess pictures are entertaining. I decided to change the colours of my blog for blind people. LOL! Yes, I'm refering to you. I like the camouflaging colours. But I feel like having black and white sudddenly too.

Please don't ask me how my tests went. I can only say that AUTOCAD was fab. I left a 6 marks question empty. I know the points but I don't know they were the answers. I suspected. I made my choice to leave it blank. Celebrate if you are my enemies.Or should I say, I'm your enemy? I don't have any that I know of. Not officially. lols!

I was thinking about the little chairs in my heart. I was wondering about the most important person in my current life. I know we can only have one when it comes to most important. But I mean when you have top 5 and top 10. I realise, I can't fill them up. Is that pathetic? I told Celine that I will reserve some for my cyber friends if it's top 10. She was shocked. So am I. They feel more genuine to me than some of my friends who I can see, feel, taste, hear and touch.
As I was filling the space mentally, I filled four with my family immediately. I was shocked by my act. I realised that I always have Angeline as part of my family. I guess it’s in my blood. Yes, I have four family members and despite of whatever, Angeline will be in my top 5. What about the fifth? I don’t know. I feel bad not to fill some. I feel obliged to fill some. I feel that I’m afraid to fill some.

Who will be your top 5 or top 10? Am I even one of them? I doubt so.

I’m tired. More to come!

Some people are just permanent residents of my little chairs.
I think it's evident by my phone speed dial. There are some numbers in my speed dial that I will never get to call.
E.g. My house number - We don't pluck into our house phone.
Angeline's number
Qiuhan's number

MARYLN's MATCHMAKING POST

I have two candidates to recommend to everyone today.
Interesed parties, please email me @ doreaberries@hotmail.com

They are both young and sweet, able to conceive.

Candidate Number 1 - Leong Kah Chan.

Name: Leong Kah Chan
Chinese: 梁嘉真
nickname: zhenzhen
Height: 158cm
Weight: 45kg
Fav. Animal: cats
Fav. hobby: volunterring
Current job: schooling (republic poly - biotech)

Target-
Sex: MALES - to know whether you are a male to suit her. GO Check @ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Males
Looks: No preference but normally ugly
Character: kind and humourous






Candidate Number 2 - Celine Goh


Name: Celine Goh
Chinese: 吴蕙伶
nickname: nin nin
Height: 160cm
Weight: 44kg
Fav. Animal: elephants
Fav. hobby: sleep
Current job: Dunno
Status: Attached but interested to find lao uncle to get all his assets after he pass away.

Target:
Sex: Males
Financial status: At least $8000 per month for her and $2000 for her younger sister.
Looks: Hairy
Character:Lame





Nominess who are shortlisted will be informed for an interview on the 30 of February at the 25 hour at the street between Jurong and Changi.

If you are single, desperate to look for a partner. You are also welcomed. Maryln's Matching-making service vaild from 5 December 2008.