风飘飘飘飘飘飘飘

Yes. I have not been blogging for sometime because I got lost in a way. I didn’t understand why I blogged anymore. I don’t find any meaning in blogging. I think my agenda of blogging got twisted in a way. I started to put counters. I talk to people in my blog. I give hidden meanings directed at people. Initially, it was just to keep track of my thoughts. However, I think it is no longer this way now. I give a damn about people reading this blog, although it’s not a lot of you. But I’m very bothered by your perspectives and I admit that I’m bothered to myself.

I wanted to blog for a few things. But thoughts just go away if you fail you record them. They flew away. I went out with Ms X yesterday. Then, when I got home, I read Ms Yeo’s mail. She got me thinking. The day before was an emotional and thoughts day. I was on the verge of crying when I talked to Ms X about some stuffs.

Yes, my perspectives changed a lot this year. I can use 8 characters to describe that: 满心期待to心灰意冷。I really feel 心灰意冷now. I have to say, I still believe in people who will stay with you for your current life with emotional attach. But I will use 心灰意冷because the chances of this happening are most probably 1 out of 100 friends you have. I think the realistic part is that neither Ms X nor I believed that we will be friends who stay for long. I mean yes, we will be friends our life, but no longer with that emotional attachment. She will walk out of my life like you people becoming a 过客.

Just a quote from Ms Yeo’s email:
This might sound kinda cruel but, somewhat I learnt to depend on myself when I have to. No one is ALWAYS going to be there for you and somehow I think that there are times I don’t wanna burden other ppl. Sometimes you really have no one so you have to be strong, life is hard…..so we sort of have to get over it… like we said that other ppl change, we’re probably changing too. I even get freak out by my own changes too. Sometimes I wished I was the old me, but yah…I never will be.

I’m truly glad that all my friends with emotional attachment are realistic people. We know. We understand. We feel. We aren’t soul-less bodies. Ms Yeo grew up a lot, she was leading a princess life back here. She became a Cinderella there. We will never be like before and I will never be. Change is a constant. Nevertheless, I have to admit I was surprised that Ms Yeo have not become my 过客yet.

She asked me if she was the one with the chair stuck on her butt. I like her confidence and faith with me and herself. This little chair issue made Zhen cry, I guess if you aren’t part of the chair thing, you won’t feel for it because none of her friends she consulted felt that it was cry-able. But she went噼里啪啦. I asked Ms Yeo a question. Do you think people can share little chairs? I don’t think so. Every chair should be specifically catered to one person. And if you don’t have, I won’t lie because you just don’t.

A last question to everyone, you may not have to answer me.
Can we control the changes? I don’t like unexpected changes. Even if they are positive ones.

List of restaurants I killed with Ms X this year:
Changing Appetites! (2)
Sakae(1)
Surf n Turf(1)
New York New York(1)
Swensens(4)
Just Noodles(1)
Ichiban(1)
CityLink/Bugis Jap Restaurant(2)
Fish & Co(1)
Billy Bombers(1 and never)
Secret Recipe(2)
TouFu(3)
奶油排骨(1)

Fast food List:
Macdonalds
KFC
PizzaHut
Yoshinoya
Pasta Mania
Burger King
Long John
Subway
Mos Burger