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CHANGE

TO ALL DEAR READERS, FRIENDS, 过客, 知己，Patricia's stalkers...

I will never be able to organize my thoughts the way I truly want it.
I will never be able to show who I really am.
I will never be able to express myself 100%.
I went around to blogs of people whom I once know. I guess I no longer know them anymore, looked at the familiar faces, I knew them.

OK! I SHALL ANNOUNCE AND REVEAL! SO STUPID TO THINK SO LONG! COS I KNEW I WILL CHANGE in A WAY! LOL!

I don't know why I decide to keep.

POSTED TO MAKE ZHENx2 JEALOUS

Photos for XMAS and 'romantic' VIVO night with msX

Where were at my place celebrating Xmas on the eve.
Taking pictures with my son and pager because my daughter is with celine in korean most probably eating kimchi and sneezing because I'm blogging about her.






Them wearing the SUPER EX presents. LOL! I agree I did feel a BIG HOLE and burnt in my pocket but I'm happy seeing them wearing it. HEHE





VIVO!!!!


幸福的形状















This isn't chicken dance. I was trying to jump but...


Our footsteps...






SUPER DOG-ing



MRT-ing


Webcamming yesterday... BORED XMAS NIGHT because the EVE was the party.

太烦恼

I’m feeling Chinese now.
我现在好困惑哦，其实真的不关我的事的。
我不是故意的，可是说都说了。
真的不喜欢自己那么大嘴巴，我害你不开心了吧。
Sorry真的，我不喜欢不喜欢不喜欢。
Why? Why? Why? 明明不关我的事，可是我却因此而烦恼。
我好希望老公那时候在，如果她在我也许不会那么心虚。
对我来说，那其实没有那么严重，我现在知道重要了。
我真的很后悔，我问了那个问题，如果可以，我收回我的问题，真的。
回不去了。不可能
烦恼，太冲动并不好


昨天的圣诞很温馨，我很喜欢，就是简简单单的在我家跟lili&zhenzhen玩玩还有说说话。
我也很喜欢他们送的礼物，好难得丽丽会那么用心！礼物我很不想po照片，最近我都觉得没有必要po照片，你们会想要看照片吗？我其实觉得说。。。我也不知道。烦， blog的原因让我烦，什么都烦。
我送了他们2个fox jacket还有我自己比较满意的卡片，因为我真的觉得很有心意。
喜欢就是这样简简单单的滋味，不要华丽的衣服，豪华的地点，奢侈的食物。
我要的其实真的没有什么。2008年的年底，让我很感叹，很多情绪波涛汹涌的从我的内心中勇出来。
我突然好想哭，昨天看真真哭得那么噼里啪啦的，我却很无动于衷，现在，因为这样那样的问题我烦。
我会怕你不喜欢我，我会怕我被歧视，我会怕未来，我会怕。。。
算了，反正我什么都不能大声地说出来！算了~

风飘飘飘飘飘飘飘

Yes. I have not been blogging for sometime because I got lost in a way. I didn’t understand why I blogged anymore. I don’t find any meaning in blogging. I think my agenda of blogging got twisted in a way. I started to put counters. I talk to people in my blog. I give hidden meanings directed at people. Initially, it was just to keep track of my thoughts. However, I think it is no longer this way now. I give a damn about people reading this blog, although it’s not a lot of you. But I’m very bothered by your perspectives and I admit that I’m bothered to myself.

I wanted to blog for a few things. But thoughts just go away if you fail you record them. They flew away. I went out with Ms X yesterday. Then, when I got home, I read Ms Yeo’s mail. She got me thinking. The day before was an emotional and thoughts day. I was on the verge of crying when I talked to Ms X about some stuffs.

Yes, my perspectives changed a lot this year. I can use 8 characters to describe that: 满心期待to心灰意冷。I really feel 心灰意冷now. I have to say, I still believe in people who will stay with you for your current life with emotional attach. But I will use 心灰意冷because the chances of this happening are most probably 1 out of 100 friends you have. I think the realistic part is that neither Ms X nor I believed that we will be friends who stay for long. I mean yes, we will be friends our life, but no longer with that emotional attachment. She will walk out of my life like you people becoming a 过客.

Just a quote from Ms Yeo’s email:
This might sound kinda cruel but, somewhat I learnt to depend on myself when I have to. No one is ALWAYS going to be there for you and somehow I think that there are times I don’t wanna burden other ppl. Sometimes you really have no one so you have to be strong, life is hard…..so we sort of have to get over it… like we said that other ppl change, we’re probably changing too. I even get freak out by my own changes too. Sometimes I wished I was the old me, but yah…I never will be.

I’m truly glad that all my friends with emotional attachment are realistic people. We know. We understand. We feel. We aren’t soul-less bodies. Ms Yeo grew up a lot, she was leading a princess life back here. She became a Cinderella there. We will never be like before and I will never be. Change is a constant. Nevertheless, I have to admit I was surprised that Ms Yeo have not become my 过客yet.

She asked me if she was the one with the chair stuck on her butt. I like her confidence and faith with me and herself. This little chair issue made Zhen cry, I guess if you aren’t part of the chair thing, you won’t feel for it because none of her friends she consulted felt that it was cry-able. But she went噼里啪啦. I asked Ms Yeo a question. Do you think people can share little chairs? I don’t think so. Every chair should be specifically catered to one person. And if you don’t have, I won’t lie because you just don’t.

A last question to everyone, you may not have to answer me.
Can we control the changes? I don’t like unexpected changes. Even if they are positive ones.

List of restaurants I killed with Ms X this year:
Changing Appetites! (2)
Sakae(1)
Surf n Turf(1)
New York New York(1)
Swensens(4)
Just Noodles(1)
Ichiban(1)
CityLink/Bugis Jap Restaurant(2)
Fish & Co(1)
Billy Bombers(1 and never)
Secret Recipe(2)
TouFu(3)
奶油排骨(1)

Fast food List:
Macdonalds
KFC
PizzaHut
Yoshinoya
Pasta Mania
Burger King
Long John
Subway
Mos Burger

我会说byebye

I went out with Patricia yesterday. Nothing heavy, it was a simple day and I enjoyed it. I listened to her Genting story and we had food and we went esplanade roottop. Nothing much yesterday, I gave my brain a rest. I don’t feel like posting pictures, I just don’t feel like.

You knew I will blog right.

Yes, I wonder how many times I’ve started my blog this way but according to Liangpopo, I did that a hundred times. I chatted with Liangpopo today. I called her to see how we’re going to do the present for Ms Hazel. We chatted. We always start our chat from nowhere, chat for the sake of chatting but topics will just flow the way. I wonder how it will it be like to chat with you for the sake of chatting. I won’t be awkward with liangpopo because we always do that. She told me things that she never said.

Nobody is supportive of my smart. Not Celine. Not Patricia. Not Liangpopo too. She says it’s okay but I overdo it. Perhaps, I should really heed her advice. 2009 should be a less smart year. It really daunted on me because Ms.L said that. She said both of us changed to become very different. I knew we were not the same; we were very different, in terms of thoughts and all. Yet we are friends. True ones. I was just thinking and thinking. I changed. I was one of those active people, those ra-ra ones, I’m sociable and all. She said that I’m more of introvert now. I see her becoming an extrovert and becoming more introvert. I changed, I truly did. She said smart was the reason. ‘

I told her about the newly born XMAN. MsX calls him x2man. I realized I said MsX name a lot of times in our chat.

我们聊了假设性的问题等等等
我们也聊到了过客
现在的你们都早已成为过客了
你， 你，你也会是我的过客
或许吧，我从来没有敞开心房吗？
因为小椅子的位置有限
所以我很排斥让人有取代的机会
过客。我会成为你的过客吗？
不安与恐慌或许是瞬间的
就像我的喜欢一样，是瞬间的
那瞬间一过，剩下的不堪回首。
过客不过客是在于人的努力吧
可是如果努力去维持一段关系
那是很痛苦的，那何不让往事随风，
让遗憾的美丽停在那里呢？
我很珍惜我们现在所有的
因为我不知道它会不会像摩天轮一样
转一圈就完了。摩天轮会一直的转，
但是有谁会一直在你每一圈都出现？
又会有谁会加入你，又有谁会离开你？
离开的我可以假装坚强的说byebye
但是进来的，我会说hello吗？